10 Signs of Unhealthy Leadership

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Everybody talks about great leadership.

Visionary leadership.
Servant leadership.
Transformational leadership.

But sometimes the best way to recognize healthy leadership… is to first recognize unhealthy leadership.

Over my years in ministry, I’ve learned something important:

Bad leadership usually doesn’t happen all at once.
It happens one unhealthy habit at a time.

Most leaders don’t wake up one morning and decide to hurt people.
Instead, pride slowly replaces humility. Pressure replaces peace. Control replaces trust. And over time, the atmosphere around them changes.

The dangerous part is this:
A leader can still be gifted, talented, visionary, funny, spiritual, and successful on the outside… while quietly damaging the people around them on the inside.

So here are 10 signs of unhealthy leadership every leader should watch for—not just in others, but in themselves.

Because if we stay humble and teachable, we can all grow.

1. Everything Becomes About the Leader

Bad leaders crave attention more than they value people.

Every story points back to them.
Every win has their fingerprints on it.
Every conversation somehow circles back to their accomplishments.

Healthy leaders shine the spotlight on others.
Bad leaders need the spotlight to survive.

Good leaders say:
“Look what God did through the team.”

Bad leaders say:
“Look what I built.”

There’s a huge difference between leading people… and needing people to validate your identity.

Healthy leaders don’t need to be the hero in every story.

2. They Refuse Feedback

One of the clearest signs of unhealthy leadership is defensiveness.

Bad leaders:

  • Explain away concerns
  • Dismiss criticism
  • Punish honesty
  • Avoid evaluation
  • Surround themselves with “yes people”

But only the things we evaluate improve.

A leader who cannot receive correction eventually loses credibility.

The older I get, the more thankful I am for people who love me enough to tell me the truth.

Healthy leaders ask questions like:

  • “What am I missing?”
  • “How could I do this better?”
  • “What does this feel like from your side of the table?”

If nobody can challenge you… you’re already in danger.

3. They Create Fear Instead of Trust

People should not feel nervous every time the leader walks into the room.

Bad leaders motivate with intimidation:

  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of embarrassment
  • Fear of disappointing the boss
  • Fear of losing position
  • Fear of speaking honestly

People walk on eggshells around unhealthy leaders.

Nobody relaxes.
Nobody risks.
Nobody shares ideas freely.

Healthy leaders create safety.

That doesn’t mean they lower standards.
It means people know they can be honest, ask questions, fail, grow, and learn without humiliation.

Fear may produce short-term performance.
But trust produces long-term growth.

4. They Don’t Develop Other Leaders

Bad leaders secretly need to stay needed.

So they:

  • Micromanage
  • Control information
  • Avoid delegation
  • Keep decision-making centralized
  • Refuse to release authority

Why?

Because insecure leaders fear replacement.

Healthy leaders understand this truth:

“There is no success without successors.”

Real leadership is not building followers.
It’s building leaders.

Healthy leaders celebrate when people grow stronger, wiser, and more capable.

Bad leaders feel threatened by gifted people around them.

5. They Care More About Image Than Integrity

Bad leadership becomes obsessed with appearances.

Looking spiritual.
Looking successful.
Looking important.
Looking influential.

But eventually image management catches up with character deficiencies.

Healthy leaders understand that who you are when nobody’s watching matters more than platform, applause, or influence.

Your private life eventually introduces itself to your public ministry.

Every time.

Integrity means your life matches your message.

And when leaders sacrifice character to protect image, everybody around them eventually pays the price.

6. They Never Admit They’re Wrong

Bad leaders think apologizing weakens authority.

Actually, the opposite is true.

One sincere apology can build more trust than ten great sermons.

Healthy leaders say things like:

  • “I missed that.”
  • “I handled that poorly.”
  • “Will you forgive me?”
  • “You were right.”
  • “Thank you for telling me.”

Pride protects ego.
Humility protects relationships.

People don’t expect leaders to be perfect.

But they do need leaders to be honest.

7. They Exhaust Everyone Around Them

Some leaders create momentum.
Others create burnout.

Bad leaders constantly live in:

  • Chaos
  • Pressure
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Constant urgency

Everything becomes “critical.”
Everything becomes an emergency.

And one of the biggest signs of unhealthy leadership is this:

They constantly leak their pressure onto everyone else.

Everybody around them feels the stress.
Feels the frustration.
Feels the tension.

Instead of bringing stability into the room, they bring anxiety into the room.

You can almost feel it when they walk in.

Another sign?

Their first response is almost always “no.”

“No, that won’t work.”
“No, we tried that.”
“No, that’s impossible.”
“No, we can’t afford it.”
“No, not now.”

Negative leaders slowly drain creativity, faith, and energy from the people around them.

Healthy leaders don’t ignore problems—but they also don’t spread panic.

They bring perspective.
Hope.
Faith.
Calm.

Eventually the staff, volunteers, and family members around unhealthy leaders become emotionally exhausted because they’re constantly carrying pressure that was never meant to be theirs.

Healthy leaders understand rhythm.

Jesus did ministry at a sustainable pace.

If your leadership destroys your family, health, joy, or soul… something is wrong.

8. They Use People Instead of Loving People

People are not tools.

Bad leaders view people primarily for what they can produce:

  • Attendance
  • Giving
  • Volunteer hours
  • Platform growth
  • Influence
  • Results

Healthy leaders genuinely care about people beyond their usefulness.

Jesus never treated people like stepping stones.

Ministry is still about people.
Not numbers.
Not branding.
Not building a personal empire.

People matter.

And the moment leaders begin valuing productivity more than people, leadership becomes transactional instead of transformational.

Healthy leaders remember names.
Care about families.
Notice pain.
Celebrate growth.

Because shepherds feed sheep.
They don’t use sheep.

9. They Avoid Difficult Conversations

Bad leaders either explode… or disappear.

They:

  • Gossip instead of confront
  • Delay necessary conversations
  • Let dysfunction spread
  • Hope problems magically solve themselves

And sometimes the worst communication isn’t harsh communication…

It’s no communication.

People don’t know where they stand.
Nobody explains decisions.
Questions go unanswered.
Tension quietly fills the room.

Instead of addressing issues directly, unhealthy leaders use silence as a weapon.

They give the silent treatment.
Withdraw emotionally.
Avoid eye contact.
Stop communicating.

And everybody around them is left trying to interpret moods instead of receiving clarity.

Healthy leaders understand that silence creates confusion.

People can usually handle a hard answer better than uncertainty.

Healthy leaders communicate clearly, kindly, and consistently—even when conversations are uncomfortable.

They speak the truth in love.

Not harshly.
Not cowardly.
Clearly. Kindly. Honestly.

Leadership requires courage.

Avoiding hard conversations today usually creates harder conversations tomorrow.

10. They Stop Growing

The most dangerous leader in the room is the one who thinks they already know everything.

Bad leaders become unteachable.

They stop:

  • Reading
  • Learning
  • Listening
  • Asking questions
  • Seeking counsel
  • Being curious

Growth always slows when curiosity disappears.

One of the reasons coaching matters so much is because everybody has blind spots.

Everybody.

The moment a leader thinks:
“I’ve arrived…”

They’ve already started drifting backward.

Healthy leaders stay hungry to grow.

They know leadership is a process, not a pill.

Time to Evaluate

None of us lead perfectly.

If you’ve been leading for any length of time, you’ve probably seen a little of yourself somewhere in this list. I know I have.

But healthy leadership isn’t about pretending to be flawless.

It’s about staying humble enough to grow.

You don’t have to wait to all of these show up to make adjustments. Any one of these can hurt your effectiveness. It’s always the right time to evaluate.

The good news is this:
Bad leadership habits can change.

When leaders stay teachable, Spirit-led, honest, and people-focused, God can do incredible things through them.

Leadership is not about power.
It’s about stewardship.

And the best leaders never stop asking:

“How can I serve people better?”

“How can I improve?”

“What do I need to adjust first?”

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Learning from an Event You Didn’t Attend

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I’ve been to more conferences and events in my lifetime than I can count—some life-changing, some nap-inducing. But over the years, I’ve discovered something powerful: you don’t have to attend an event to learn from it.

Now don’t get me wrong—there’s something special about being in the room. The energy, the hallway conversations, the worship, the people you meet over coffee… it all matters. But let’s face it—sometimes you just can’t be everywhere. Budgets, schedules, responsibilities, and life happen.

But here’s the thing: a hungry leader doesn’t stop learning just because they couldn’t make the trip.

1. Learn Through Relationships

One of my favorite parts of ministry events has never been the stage—it’s the people. If you know someone who went to a conference or training, call them up. Buy them a coffee. Ask,

“What was the biggest thing you took away from that event?”

You’ll be amazed how much you can glean from a 15-minute debrief with a friend who took notes and caught the vibe. Leaders share what they’re excited about. You just have to ask.
Remember: association is education.

2. Learn Through Resources

Nearly every event these days leaves a trail of gold behind—slides, recordings, podcasts, recaps, or even social posts. Follow the hashtags. Watch the highlight reels. Read the quotes and summaries.

If you missed a session, grab the speaker’s book or look up their podcast. What you missed in the room can still find its way into your heart and mind if you chase it down.

Hungry leaders don’t wait for someone to feed them—they find the food and fix their own plate.

3. Learn Through Reflection

When I miss an event, I don’t just think about what I missed—I think about why.
Was it an event I should have attended? Or was I supposed to be somewhere else doing what God called me to do right then?

Sometimes missing an event reminds me that God’s not measuring my ministry by how many conferences I attend but by how faithfully I apply what I’ve already learned.

Growth isn’t about collecting content—it’s about living it out.

4. Learn Through Application

Let’s be honest: most folks come home from conferences fired up but don’t actually change much. So if you take one or two solid nuggets from a friend’s notes and actually apply them—you’re already ahead of the game.

I’d rather have one truth in motion than a hundred in a notebook.

Missing an event doesn’t mean missing out.
Every moment is a classroom if you’ve got a learner’s heart.
Ask. Watch. Read. Reflect. Apply.

And remember—leaders who stay teachable keep growing… whether they were in the room or not.

Want more like this? Checkout NextGenLeaderLab.com.

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What I’ve Learned About People from Playing Pickleball

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I’ve been around people a long time—church people, ministry people, family people—but lately, pickleball has given me a front row seat to a whole new classroom of human behavior. It’s like a crash course in people skills with a paddle in your hand!

Here are a few things I’ve learned about people while chasing a wiffle ball across the court:

1. People Show Their True Colors Under Pressure

You don’t really know someone until they’re down 9–10 game on the line and serving. Some folks get calm and focused, some get feisty, and some forget every rule they’ve ever learned. Life’s the same way—pressure reveals what’s really inside. Ministry or pickleball, you can’t fake it for long.

2. Everybody Wants a Coach

Even the most competitive players are looking for tips—whether they admit it or not. “Hey, what grip are you using?” or “How do you keep that dink so low?” People are wired to grow, but they need encouragement, not criticism. The same goes for teams and volunteers. Nobody wants a critic with a whistle—they want a coach with a smile.

3. Some Folks Don’t Call the Lines Straight

Let’s be honest, we’ve all played with somebody whose “in” and “out” is a little questionable. It’s amazing how the close calls always seem to go their way. In life and ministry, it’s the same—some people bend the truth for their own advantage. That’s why integrity matters more than winning points.

4. People Love to Belong

Whether it’s a pickleball meetup, a church small group, or just a couple buddies hitting balls, people want to be part of something bigger than themselves. They’ll show up early, bring snacks, even buy the merch and rock the stickers if it means they’re included. Belonging is one of the greatest gifts we can offer in ministry—and pickleball reminded me of that.

5. People Care About Your Story

Some of the best conversations don’t happen on the court—they happen at the tables while folks are waiting their turn to play. That’s where you hear about someone’s family, celebrate their wins, find out about what they do for work and share a laugh or two. Pickleball is more than a game—it’s a front porch for friendships, a place to deepen relationships, and a reminder that people don’t just want to play… they want to connect. And they want to be seen.

6. Everyone Loves to Celebrate

Whether it’s a killer smash or just finally making contact with the ball, people light up when you celebrate them. High fives, paddle taps, “great shot!”—it doesn’t take much. In ministry, same rule applies: celebrate progress, not just perfection. At home, at church and on the court catching people doing thing right make a huge difference.

7. Encouragers Are Gold

There are always a few folks who go out of their way to point out the positive. They’ll tell you “Nice hustle!” even when you whiff the shot, or “You’re getting better every game!” Those encouragers make you feel like a million bucks. And here’s the truth—every church, every team, and every family needs more of them. The encouragers I play and do life with me make me want to be an encourager too. Thank you encouragers for this reminder.

Match Point

Pickleball has taught me something priceless: it’s the only sport where you can lose every game and still walk away with a smile. Why? Because the power of people is greater than the score when everything is said and done. People need encouragement, community, patience, and a whole lot of grace.

So whether you’re dinking, driving, or just waiting for your turn at the table—remember this: people matter more than points.

If you want more content like this checkout www.nextgenleaderlab.com
#LegacyLearning #nextgenleaderlab #jimwideman #crushlife #kidmin

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Manners, Ministry, and Managing Yourself

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You’ve probably heard this old saying: “Your life speaks so loud, people can’t hear what you’re saying.” That’s the truth. If you’re in ministry—whether with kids, students, or adults—you don’t get to live however you want. You and I are called to live above reproach. That’s not my idea—that’s Bible.
Paul told Timothy that an overseer should be the kind of person others respect, someone self-controlled, hospitable, able to teach, not hot-headed, not money-hungry, and definitely not someone who can’t even keep their own house in order (1 Timothy 3:2–7). In other words, the way we carry ourselves is just as important as the words we teach.
So let’s get real practical. How do we live this out? How do we keep ministry leaders from being the punchline of a bad joke? Let me give you some “grandfatherly advice” from my years of leading and watching others lead.

1. Mind Your Manners (Yes, Even in Ministry)
Some people think “manners” are just for fancy dinners where you don’t know which fork to use. Nope. Manners are simply polite, well-bred social behavior. And believe me, the body of Christ needs ministers with good manners.
Ethics are the moral principles that guide our behavior.
Protocol is the code of conduct or the way things are done.

Put those together and you’ve got the basics of being a leader worth following. You don’t have to be stiff, but you do have to be respectable. I always tell young leaders: If you wouldn’t act that way in front of your grandma, don’t do it in ministry.

2. Start With Honor

Respect isn’t old-fashioned. It’s Kingdom.
Honor your pastors and leaders. Don’t roll your eyes when they give direction.
Respect your elders. Age is not a disease, it’s wisdom with wrinkles.
Don’t rebuke leaders in public. That’s never gone well in the history of the church.
Say “please” and “thank you.” You’ll be shocked how far basic kindness will take you.
And when it comes to communication—show respect in every medium: in person, on the phone, in emails, or even online. Don’t let your keyboard give you courage your character doesn’t back up. Never forget the tone of a text can easily be misinterpreted and an unanswered text speaks louder than you think.

3. Communication Counts

Want to win points with your leaders? Communicate well.
Voicemail: Keep it short and clear. Ain’t nobody got time for your three-minute ramble.
Meetings: Come prepared. Don’t show up with “I don’t know.” Bring answers—even if they’re multiple choice. Nobody likes essay questions. If your late apologize if you have to miss, let them know why ahead of time.
Being Out of the Office: Always let folks know where you are, who’s covering for you, and how to reach you if the world catches fire. Don’t make people guess.

4. Ethics & Protocol: The Ministry Basics
Here’s where leaders sometimes trip up. Let’s get super practical:
Treat guest ministers like VIPs.
If you ever have to cancel a guest or event, do it with integrity and plenty of notice.
Be wise in dealing with the opposite sex—boundaries keep you safe.
Dress like you represent Jesus, not like you just rolled out of bed.
Keep your office and spaces clean. Messy desk = messy brain.
Don’t “borrow” without asking—that’s called stealing.
Follow the policies. If your church has them, use them.
Don’t steal sheep, staff, or volunteers from other ministries. Trust me, it always backfires.
Be above board in handling money. Pennies matter. Take a picture of the receipt at time of purchase and go and turn it in.
If you ever leave a church, leave in a way that blesses—not burns—people.
And hey—get your pastor or supervisor what he/she actually wants, not what you think he/she should want. (Big difference there.)

5. When in Doubt, Ask
Here’s the simplest advice I can give you: Ask questions.
Don’t assume. Don’t fake it. Just ask. If you’re new, ask staff who’ve been around. Learn your leaders heart. The answer is often just one good question away.
Never tell you are taking off ask if you may take off.

6. Phone & Computer Etiquette

Can we talk about the elephant in the meeting? Your cell phone.
Don’t sit in a meeting scrolling Instagram. That’s just rude.
If you’re waiting on an urgent call, say so at the start. Then only answer if it’s critical.
Long meeting? Take a break, return your texts, only if it’s your spouse or boss and come back engaged.
Don’t search for something “more interesting” than the person you’re talking to. Spoiler: they’ll notice.
God gave us caller ID and voicemail for a reason—use them.

7. Sow What You Want to Reap
Want to be listened to? Start by listening.
Want to be respected? Respect authority.
Want to be promoted? Come prepared and participate well.

You don’t reap what you wish for—you reap what you sow.

At the end of the day, ministry isn’t just about how well you preach, teach, or organize—it’s about how well you carry yourself. Live above reproach. Mind your manners. Honor leaders. Communicate clearly. Respect boundaries. Ask when you’re unsure.
If you’ll sow those seeds, you’ll reap a harvest of influence, trust, and longevity in ministry.
And who knows—you might even make your grandma proud.

Want more articles like this plus all my books, video trainings, resources, a members only podcast plus Live Monthly Coaching Events? Join the NextGenLeaderLab.com.

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TRYING SOMETHING NEW (AND NOT BREAKING A HIP)

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I did something recently I’ve never done before.
No, I didn’t dye my hair, get a tattoo, or join a boy band (you’re welcome).
I attended an Advanced Beginner Pickleball Clinic.

Yep, this almost 70-year-old signed up to play with folks who had more spring in their step than I had in my knees. And you know what? I was the oldest one there… and I loved it.

Was I nervous? Absolutely. I didn’t want to be that guy—you know, the one holding up the line or mistaking the serve for a prayer request. But I showed up. I stretched (twice). And I listened to the coach. And guess what? I improved way more with a coach than I ever did just trying to figure it out on my own.

Here’s the deal:
Growth lives on the other side of your comfort zone.
And that’s not just true in pickleball—it’s true in ministry too.

There’s always a first time for everything:
• The first time you preach to adults after years with preschoolers.
• The first time you lead a staff meeting instead of just attending one.
• The first time you let someone else run the event
(and it didn’t fall apart!).

But you won’t get better by sitting on the sidelines hoping experience will magically appear.
You need coaching. Correction. Community. COURAGE.

Sometimes we plateau because we stop learning.
We stop asking questions.
We stop trying new things.
We start coasting on yesterday’s win and calling it “wisdom.”

But growth requires risk.
And sometimes the risk is simply saying: “I don’t know how to do this, but I’m willing to learn.”

I’m so glad I said yes to that clinic. I stretched myself—literally and figuratively—and I’m a better player for it.
More importantly, I’m reminded that leaders who never stop learning never stop leading.

So what’s your “clinic”?
What’s the new thing God’s nudging you to try?
Get out there. Sign up. Ask for help. Get a coach.
And don’t let your age, your fear, or your pride keep you from growing.

And hey—if you’re looking for a coach, a community, and a whole crew of NextGen leaders who are committed to growing together, check out the NextGen Leader Lab. It’s coaching, connection, and encouragement at a price any church can afford.

You don’t have to grow alone.
Let’s do this together—on and off the court.

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