Manners, Ministry, and Managing Yourself

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You’ve probably heard this old saying: “Your life speaks so loud, people can’t hear what you’re saying.” That’s the truth. If you’re in ministry—whether with kids, students, or adults—you don’t get to live however you want. You and I are called to live above reproach. That’s not my idea—that’s Bible.
Paul told Timothy that an overseer should be the kind of person others respect, someone self-controlled, hospitable, able to teach, not hot-headed, not money-hungry, and definitely not someone who can’t even keep their own house in order (1 Timothy 3:2–7). In other words, the way we carry ourselves is just as important as the words we teach.
So let’s get real practical. How do we live this out? How do we keep ministry leaders from being the punchline of a bad joke? Let me give you some “grandfatherly advice” from my years of leading and watching others lead.

1. Mind Your Manners (Yes, Even in Ministry)
Some people think “manners” are just for fancy dinners where you don’t know which fork to use. Nope. Manners are simply polite, well-bred social behavior. And believe me, the body of Christ needs ministers with good manners.
Ethics are the moral principles that guide our behavior.
Protocol is the code of conduct or the way things are done.

Put those together and you’ve got the basics of being a leader worth following. You don’t have to be stiff, but you do have to be respectable. I always tell young leaders: If you wouldn’t act that way in front of your grandma, don’t do it in ministry.

2. Start With Honor

Respect isn’t old-fashioned. It’s Kingdom.
Honor your pastors and leaders. Don’t roll your eyes when they give direction.
Respect your elders. Age is not a disease, it’s wisdom with wrinkles.
Don’t rebuke leaders in public. That’s never gone well in the history of the church.
Say “please” and “thank you.” You’ll be shocked how far basic kindness will take you.
And when it comes to communication—show respect in every medium: in person, on the phone, in emails, or even online. Don’t let your keyboard give you courage your character doesn’t back up. Never forget the tone of a text can easily be misinterpreted and an unanswered text speaks louder than you think.

3. Communication Counts

Want to win points with your leaders? Communicate well.
Voicemail: Keep it short and clear. Ain’t nobody got time for your three-minute ramble.
Meetings: Come prepared. Don’t show up with “I don’t know.” Bring answers—even if they’re multiple choice. Nobody likes essay questions. If your late apologize if you have to miss, let them know why ahead of time.
Being Out of the Office: Always let folks know where you are, who’s covering for you, and how to reach you if the world catches fire. Don’t make people guess.

4. Ethics & Protocol: The Ministry Basics
Here’s where leaders sometimes trip up. Let’s get super practical:
Treat guest ministers like VIPs.
If you ever have to cancel a guest or event, do it with integrity and plenty of notice.
Be wise in dealing with the opposite sex—boundaries keep you safe.
Dress like you represent Jesus, not like you just rolled out of bed.
Keep your office and spaces clean. Messy desk = messy brain.
Don’t “borrow” without asking—that’s called stealing.
Follow the policies. If your church has them, use them.
Don’t steal sheep, staff, or volunteers from other ministries. Trust me, it always backfires.
Be above board in handling money. Pennies matter. Take a picture of the receipt at time of purchase and go and turn it in.
If you ever leave a church, leave in a way that blesses—not burns—people.
And hey—get your pastor or supervisor what he/she actually wants, not what you think he/she should want. (Big difference there.)

5. When in Doubt, Ask
Here’s the simplest advice I can give you: Ask questions.
Don’t assume. Don’t fake it. Just ask. If you’re new, ask staff who’ve been around. Learn your leaders heart. The answer is often just one good question away.
Never tell you are taking off ask if you may take off.

6. Phone & Computer Etiquette

Can we talk about the elephant in the meeting? Your cell phone.
Don’t sit in a meeting scrolling Instagram. That’s just rude.
If you’re waiting on an urgent call, say so at the start. Then only answer if it’s critical.
Long meeting? Take a break, return your texts, only if it’s your spouse or boss and come back engaged.
Don’t search for something “more interesting” than the person you’re talking to. Spoiler: they’ll notice.
God gave us caller ID and voicemail for a reason—use them.

7. Sow What You Want to Reap
Want to be listened to? Start by listening.
Want to be respected? Respect authority.
Want to be promoted? Come prepared and participate well.

You don’t reap what you wish for—you reap what you sow.

At the end of the day, ministry isn’t just about how well you preach, teach, or organize—it’s about how well you carry yourself. Live above reproach. Mind your manners. Honor leaders. Communicate clearly. Respect boundaries. Ask when you’re unsure.
If you’ll sow those seeds, you’ll reap a harvest of influence, trust, and longevity in ministry.
And who knows—you might even make your grandma proud.

Want more articles like this plus all my books, video trainings, resources, a members only podcast plus Live Monthly Coaching Events? Join the NextGenLeaderLab.com.

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TRYING SOMETHING NEW (AND NOT BREAKING A HIP)

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I did something recently I’ve never done before.
No, I didn’t dye my hair, get a tattoo, or join a boy band (you’re welcome).
I attended an Advanced Beginner Pickleball Clinic.

Yep, this almost 70-year-old signed up to play with folks who had more spring in their step than I had in my knees. And you know what? I was the oldest one there… and I loved it.

Was I nervous? Absolutely. I didn’t want to be that guy—you know, the one holding up the line or mistaking the serve for a prayer request. But I showed up. I stretched (twice). And I listened to the coach. And guess what? I improved way more with a coach than I ever did just trying to figure it out on my own.

Here’s the deal:
Growth lives on the other side of your comfort zone.
And that’s not just true in pickleball—it’s true in ministry too.

There’s always a first time for everything:
• The first time you preach to adults after years with preschoolers.
• The first time you lead a staff meeting instead of just attending one.
• The first time you let someone else run the event
(and it didn’t fall apart!).

But you won’t get better by sitting on the sidelines hoping experience will magically appear.
You need coaching. Correction. Community. COURAGE.

Sometimes we plateau because we stop learning.
We stop asking questions.
We stop trying new things.
We start coasting on yesterday’s win and calling it “wisdom.”

But growth requires risk.
And sometimes the risk is simply saying: “I don’t know how to do this, but I’m willing to learn.”

I’m so glad I said yes to that clinic. I stretched myself—literally and figuratively—and I’m a better player for it.
More importantly, I’m reminded that leaders who never stop learning never stop leading.

So what’s your “clinic”?
What’s the new thing God’s nudging you to try?
Get out there. Sign up. Ask for help. Get a coach.
And don’t let your age, your fear, or your pride keep you from growing.

And hey—if you’re looking for a coach, a community, and a whole crew of NextGen leaders who are committed to growing together, check out the NextGen Leader Lab. It’s coaching, connection, and encouragement at a price any church can afford.

You don’t have to grow alone.
Let’s do this together—on and off the court.

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Want to Grow Your NextGen Ministry? You Don’t Have to Do It Alone.

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Let’s be real—ministry isn’t getting any easier.

Between recruiting volunteers, leading teams, planning events, managing curriculum, and keeping your own family afloat, it’s no wonder so many NextGen and Family Ministry leaders feel stretched thin.

But here’s the good news:
You don’t have to lead alone.

👋 Welcome to NextGenLeaderLab.com
This isn’t just a resource site. It’s an online coaching community created by ministry leaders for ministry leaders—led by yours truly, Jim Wideman, a pastor and coach who’s been in your shoes for nearly five decades.

At NextGen Leader Lab, you’ll find:

✅ Weekly mentoring articles on real-life leadership issues
✅ Live Q&A sessions where you can ask anything
✅ Downloadable tools you can use today
✅ A private community of leaders who get it
✅ Real-time coaching from someone who’s done it (and is still doing it)

⸻

Why the Lab Works

I’ve spent almost 50 years leading in churches big and small, and coaching hundreds of NextGen leaders. What I’ve learned is this: leaders grow better in community.

The Lab is where:
• New leaders get equipped and encouraged
• Veteran leaders stay sharp and refreshed
• And everyone learns how to lead well and last long

This isn’t about theory—it’s about practical ministry help you can use every week.

Who It’s For:
• Children’s Pastors
• NextGen or Family Ministry Pastors
• Youth Pastors stepping into oversight roles
• New leaders who want to build right
• Veteran leaders who want to finish strong

Let’s Build Something That Lasts—Together

There’s no magic wand in ministry. But there is a better way to grow—and it starts with coaching, community, and a commitment to keep learning.

👉 Click here to join the Lab today »

You’ll get instant access to resources, replays, and a tribe of leaders who’ve got your back.

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7 Things Old Jim Wishes Young Jim Knew

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Let’s face it: hindsight is 20/20—unless you’re like me and your bifocals fog up during altar calls.

I’ve been in ministry for five decades and counting. That means I’ve had the privilege of doing children’s ministry in my 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s—and now I’m staring down my 70s like, “Wait… didn’t I just graduate from youth group?”

Looking back, I wish I could’ve sat Young Jim down, offered him a Dr Pepper, and shared a few lessons that might’ve saved him some headaches, heartbreaks, and bad hair decisions. So here are seven things I’d love to tell my younger self (and maybe they’ll help you too):

1. Don’t Be the Star of the One-Man Show

Young Jim loved to do it all—stage design, puppet shows, check-in, goldfish cracker distribution… the works. He thought building a team was optional. Spoiler: it’s not.

If you’re the only one carrying the load, you’re not building a ministry—you’re building a meltdown. Ministry isn’t about being the hero. It’s about making heroes out of others. Duplicate yourself. Coach people. Share the mic. And remember: there is no success without successors.

2. Your Thoughts Drive the Train

Back in the day, I had more opinions than Crayola had colors—and about as much wisdom as a soggy fortune cookie.

Eventually, I learned your thoughts direct your steps. If you think small, you’ll stay small. If you think negatively, you’ll act negatively. But if you think like Jesus—Philippians 4:8 style—you’ll live differently. Evaluate your thoughts often, and don’t let your mind run wild. It needs a shepherd too.

3. Ministry Is a Marathon, Not a Sprint

Yes, Young Jim… there were Mondays you wanted to quit. So do most people in ministry. But guess what? Your calling isn’t based on feelings. It’s based on obedience.

Stop looking for instant results and start playing the long game. Trust God with the process. When you serve others’ dreams, you’ll find God fulfilling your own. And for heaven’s sake—don’t give in to fear. It’s always the fast track to burnout.

4. Put Family Second Only to God—Not Third Behind the Church

Young Jim gave up too many nights, weekends, and vacations “for the sake of the ministry.” Older Jim knows better.

Your spouse, your kids, and your grandkids need your presence more than your perfection. Guard your day off like it’s the last scoop of Blue Bell. Date your wife. Laugh with your kids. Turn off the laptop. The church will still be there tomorrow—your kid’s ballgame won’t be.

5. Be Your Pastor’s Biggest Fan

Ministry isn’t the place for lone rangers. Young Jim didn’t always get this, but I’ve learned that representing your leader well is part of representing Jesus well.

That means honoring their vision, echoing their heart, and cheering them on even when they’re not in the room. Loyalty matters. Trust matters. And your pastor doesn’t need another critic—they need a champion.

6. Love People More Than Programs

Old Jim knows the most valuable thing in ministry isn’t your service schedule—it’s the people God’s trusted you with.

Love the parents. Love your volunteers. Love the crusty deacon who still thinks flannelgraph is cutting-edge. People matter. Relationships are the soil discipleship grows in. And yes—sometimes people are messy, but so is grace.

7. Learn the Art of Refreshing

Young Jim pushed through the stress and called it “faithfulness.” Old Jim knows better.

You can’t give what you don’t have. If your tank’s empty, everyone suffers. The Holy Spirit didn’t just come to give you power for ministry—He came to refresh your soul. Pray in the Spirit. Take your Sabbath. Guard your joy. And don’t feel guilty about that nap—it’s biblical.

Would I go back and change anything? Sure. But I’m also thankful for the lessons. Every mistake taught me something. Every season shaped me. And every decade reminded me: ministry is about faithfulness, not flash.

So what about you?
What would future you wish current you knew?

Maybe it’s time to pause, reflect, and course-correct before Old You writes an article about it.

Want more stuff like this plus All my Books, resources, Monthly Live Events, A members Only Podcast & more? Checkout NextGenLeaderLab.com where I’m Still learning, still laughing, and still loving the journey. I hope you’ll join me!

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Managing Big Event Mode (Without Losing Your Mind, Ministry, or Family)

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If you’ve been in ministry for more than five minutes, you know there’s a mode we all switch into before a big event. I call it “Big Event Mode.” It’s that magical time when your to-do list has babies, your phone battery can’t keep up, and your family starts calling you “stranger.”

Whether it’s VBS, a fall fest, camp, Christmas, Easter, or just Sunday, ministry has a way of cranking up the pressure before a big moment. But here’s the deal: stress and busyness don’t have to steal your joy—or your effectiveness.

So let me give you some wisdom (and maybe a laugh or two) on managing Big Event Mode like the seasoned pro you are—or hope to be.

1. Plan Like a Boss, Pivot Like a Ninja

The best way to reduce stress? Start early. Like before-you-need-to-start early. Big Event Mode is a lot less terrifying when you’ve mapped things out ahead of time. But even the best plans need wiggle room—because something will change. Supplies won’t come in. A key volunteer will get the flu. Someone will accidentally book the bounce house for the wrong weekend. (Ask me how I know.)

Stay flexible. Hold your plan in one hand and your peace in the other.

2. Don’t Try to Do it All—That’s What Volunteers Are For!

God didn’t call you to be a one-man (or one-woman) show. He called you to equip the saints—not replace them. Big Event Mode is a great time to let others rise to the occasion.

Learn the spiritual gift of delegation. It’s right there between hospitality and sarcasm… or it should be.

3. Say “No” So You Can Say “Yes” to What Matters

In busy seasons, you can’t say yes to everything. Protect your energy like it’s the last slice of pizza at a youth event. That means no extra side meetings, no new side projects, and no side-eye when people don’t understand you’re in full-on go mode.

Focus on what must get done, and don’t apologize for simplifying.

4. Celebrate Every Win (Even the Little Ones)

Did the supply order show up on time? Win. Did your intern finally learn to staple facing the right way? Win. Did nobody cry during volunteer training this week? Big win.

In stressful seasons, gratitude is your secret weapon. Pause and celebrate what God is doing—even when your to-do list says otherwise.

5. Laugh On Purpose

If you’re not laughing in Big Event Mode, you’re probably crying. And let’s be honest, tears ruin your walkie-talkie.

Schedule in some laughter. Make a playlist. Tell a dad joke. Find that one volunteer who always brings the weird snacks and hang out with them. Humor lightens the load—and your team needs to see you smile on purpose, not just when you finally find the lost receipt in your back pocket.

6. Remember Why You’re Doing This

It’s easy to get so wrapped up in checklists, decorations, and room layouts that you forget the “why.” You’re not planning an event—you’re building moments where people encounter Jesus.

So breathe. Pray. Worship while you work. And when the big day comes, don’t miss the ministry because you’re too busy managing the madness.

Big Event Mode doesn’t have to break you. It can build you. With the right prep, the right people, and the right perspective, you can lead through it with peace, purpose, and maybe even a little bit of fun.

Now go drink some water, hug your family, and check that date on the bounce house one more time—just to be safe.

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