Manners, Ministry, and Managing Yourself

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You’ve probably heard this old saying: “Your life speaks so loud, people can’t hear what you’re saying.” That’s the truth. If you’re in ministry—whether with kids, students, or adults—you don’t get to live however you want. You and I are called to live above reproach. That’s not my idea—that’s Bible.
Paul told Timothy that an overseer should be the kind of person others respect, someone self-controlled, hospitable, able to teach, not hot-headed, not money-hungry, and definitely not someone who can’t even keep their own house in order (1 Timothy 3:2–7). In other words, the way we carry ourselves is just as important as the words we teach.
So let’s get real practical. How do we live this out? How do we keep ministry leaders from being the punchline of a bad joke? Let me give you some “grandfatherly advice” from my years of leading and watching others lead.

1. Mind Your Manners (Yes, Even in Ministry)
Some people think “manners” are just for fancy dinners where you don’t know which fork to use. Nope. Manners are simply polite, well-bred social behavior. And believe me, the body of Christ needs ministers with good manners.
Ethics are the moral principles that guide our behavior.
Protocol is the code of conduct or the way things are done.

Put those together and you’ve got the basics of being a leader worth following. You don’t have to be stiff, but you do have to be respectable. I always tell young leaders: If you wouldn’t act that way in front of your grandma, don’t do it in ministry.

2. Start With Honor

Respect isn’t old-fashioned. It’s Kingdom.
Honor your pastors and leaders. Don’t roll your eyes when they give direction.
Respect your elders. Age is not a disease, it’s wisdom with wrinkles.
Don’t rebuke leaders in public. That’s never gone well in the history of the church.
Say “please” and “thank you.” You’ll be shocked how far basic kindness will take you.
And when it comes to communication—show respect in every medium: in person, on the phone, in emails, or even online. Don’t let your keyboard give you courage your character doesn’t back up. Never forget the tone of a text can easily be misinterpreted and an unanswered text speaks louder than you think.

3. Communication Counts

Want to win points with your leaders? Communicate well.
Voicemail: Keep it short and clear. Ain’t nobody got time for your three-minute ramble.
Meetings: Come prepared. Don’t show up with “I don’t know.” Bring answers—even if they’re multiple choice. Nobody likes essay questions. If your late apologize if you have to miss, let them know why ahead of time.
Being Out of the Office: Always let folks know where you are, who’s covering for you, and how to reach you if the world catches fire. Don’t make people guess.

4. Ethics & Protocol: The Ministry Basics
Here’s where leaders sometimes trip up. Let’s get super practical:
Treat guest ministers like VIPs.
If you ever have to cancel a guest or event, do it with integrity and plenty of notice.
Be wise in dealing with the opposite sex—boundaries keep you safe.
Dress like you represent Jesus, not like you just rolled out of bed.
Keep your office and spaces clean. Messy desk = messy brain.
Don’t “borrow” without asking—that’s called stealing.
Follow the policies. If your church has them, use them.
Don’t steal sheep, staff, or volunteers from other ministries. Trust me, it always backfires.
Be above board in handling money. Pennies matter. Take a picture of the receipt at time of purchase and go and turn it in.
If you ever leave a church, leave in a way that blesses—not burns—people.
And hey—get your pastor or supervisor what he/she actually wants, not what you think he/she should want. (Big difference there.)

5. When in Doubt, Ask
Here’s the simplest advice I can give you: Ask questions.
Don’t assume. Don’t fake it. Just ask. If you’re new, ask staff who’ve been around. Learn your leaders heart. The answer is often just one good question away.
Never tell you are taking off ask if you may take off.

6. Phone & Computer Etiquette

Can we talk about the elephant in the meeting? Your cell phone.
Don’t sit in a meeting scrolling Instagram. That’s just rude.
If you’re waiting on an urgent call, say so at the start. Then only answer if it’s critical.
Long meeting? Take a break, return your texts, only if it’s your spouse or boss and come back engaged.
Don’t search for something “more interesting” than the person you’re talking to. Spoiler: they’ll notice.
God gave us caller ID and voicemail for a reason—use them.

7. Sow What You Want to Reap
Want to be listened to? Start by listening.
Want to be respected? Respect authority.
Want to be promoted? Come prepared and participate well.

You don’t reap what you wish for—you reap what you sow.

At the end of the day, ministry isn’t just about how well you preach, teach, or organize—it’s about how well you carry yourself. Live above reproach. Mind your manners. Honor leaders. Communicate clearly. Respect boundaries. Ask when you’re unsure.
If you’ll sow those seeds, you’ll reap a harvest of influence, trust, and longevity in ministry.
And who knows—you might even make your grandma proud.

Want more articles like this plus all my books, video trainings, resources, a members only podcast plus Live Monthly Coaching Events? Join the NextGenLeaderLab.com.

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Want to Grow Your NextGen Ministry? You Don’t Have to Do It Alone.

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Let’s be real—ministry isn’t getting any easier.

Between recruiting volunteers, leading teams, planning events, managing curriculum, and keeping your own family afloat, it’s no wonder so many NextGen and Family Ministry leaders feel stretched thin.

But here’s the good news:
You don’t have to lead alone.

👋 Welcome to NextGenLeaderLab.com
This isn’t just a resource site. It’s an online coaching community created by ministry leaders for ministry leaders—led by yours truly, Jim Wideman, a pastor and coach who’s been in your shoes for nearly five decades.

At NextGen Leader Lab, you’ll find:

✅ Weekly mentoring articles on real-life leadership issues
✅ Live Q&A sessions where you can ask anything
✅ Downloadable tools you can use today
✅ A private community of leaders who get it
✅ Real-time coaching from someone who’s done it (and is still doing it)

⸻

Why the Lab Works

I’ve spent almost 50 years leading in churches big and small, and coaching hundreds of NextGen leaders. What I’ve learned is this: leaders grow better in community.

The Lab is where:
• New leaders get equipped and encouraged
• Veteran leaders stay sharp and refreshed
• And everyone learns how to lead well and last long

This isn’t about theory—it’s about practical ministry help you can use every week.

Who It’s For:
• Children’s Pastors
• NextGen or Family Ministry Pastors
• Youth Pastors stepping into oversight roles
• New leaders who want to build right
• Veteran leaders who want to finish strong

Let’s Build Something That Lasts—Together

There’s no magic wand in ministry. But there is a better way to grow—and it starts with coaching, community, and a commitment to keep learning.

👉 Click here to join the Lab today »

You’ll get instant access to resources, replays, and a tribe of leaders who’ve got your back.

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There’s A Brand New Book Available

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What happens when you coach 12 of the sharpest Kidmin & NextGen leaders for 16 weeks that you’ve ever coached. YOU WRITE A BOOK! And that’s exactly what we did!

EVERYONE DOES BETTER WITH A COACH
Practical Solutions For Kidmin & NextGen Leaders is a brand new book from Jim Wideman Ministries.

Everyone can go farther and faster with someone coaching them than they can on their own. This is true in sports, it’s true in your health, it’s true in business and it’s also true in ministry.

I have always admired coaches. As a student of great teams in sports and ministry, I’ve been saying for years’Show me a successful team and I’ll show you a great coach.” I’ve also noticed truly great coaches have developed the skills to produce a winning team wherever they coach. Also they have learned how to assemble other great coaches around them. That’s exactly what I’ve done in EVERYONE DOES BETTER WITH A COACH- Practical Solutions For Kidmin & NextGen Leaders.

I’ve assembled some of the brightest and best coaches from my “Think Different Coaching Network. We identified some of the most common struggles that today’s Kidmin & NextGen leaders are facing and I asked each one to offer five solutions that you can do now to bring clarity and coaching to turn each challenge into an opportunity to improve. Each coach will also offer you a question to help guide you to taking your first step. Now you can get a team of coaches to help guide you to victory.
EVERYONE, YES EVERYONE DOES BETTER WITH A COACH.
When you order the paperback from me I’ll throw in the digital book free. Order yours today!

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Family Ministry Starts At Home

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I love working with kids and families of all the things I could have spent my life doing this is truly an honor. But even greater than this has been the wonderful privilege of being Julie’s husband, Yancy & Whitney’s Dad, and Sparrow and Rhythm’s “G”! Being an Orange thinker you’ve heard me say this before, “What you teach and train your children about God matters!” It’s my responsibility, priority and privilege as a parent to do this. But it’s also my responsibility, priority and privilege to teach them about marriage and family by setting an example and modeling God’s Word. You’ve also heard me say this before in conferences, articles, books and blogs, “What happens at home is more important than what happens at church.” God’s original plan for world evangelism and the mission of the family is laid out in Deuteronomy 6:6-7 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your heart. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. How do we do this? In my book CONNECT WITH YOUR KIDS I give you twelve things you can do as a parent to connect your kids to God. Here’s just a few to get you started.

Family ministry starts at home. Decide you and the inhabitants of your household will serve the Lord. You have heard this verse a thousand times Josh. 24:15   But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.” What does this mean? It’s simple; make Jesus an everyday part of your lives. Live out what you are asking the families at your church to do at their house. We never did devotions as a family instead Julie and I still to this day take advantage of every opportunity to apply God’s Word to the thinking of every member of our family (including each other) not to allow a stronghold to be formed. A stronghold? Yes, I define a stronghold as wrong thinking that does not line up with the truth of God’s Word. As parent be careful what and who you allow in your home. It’s easier to start strict when kids are young and relax as they get older and allow them to make good choices based on the Bible. The bottom line is be an example!

Love your spouse the way you want your children’s spouse to love them. I don’t know why we think we can have a strong family and not have a strong marriage. Great marriages are a work in progress and happen when you make it a priority. You’ve heard me say if you aim at nothing you hit it every time. You need a plan to make your marriage strong. What ever you did to win your spouse’s affection is the same actions you need to choose to keep their affection. Spend as much time together as you can. Also spend quality time have a plan for your time together. Communicate well. Learn to be a listener. Be intentional when it comes to dates, trips and make special times together to be a regular part of your life. Set a night to be date night and make it a priority. Just like we want our children to see we love the Lord first and foremost let your spouse see firsthand that other than Jesus there is no other person on this earth we love other than them including our kids.

Spend lots of time with your kids. My kids are my third priority so when it comes to controlling my schedule and not letting it control me I have to make making time for my kids a lifestyle choice. Julie and I chose from the beginning of us becoming parents that it was both of our desires to be a close family. Even though our kids are grown this is still a priority. Because of the time we invested when our children where young they make time for us now that they are grown. Our children know they are always invited to go on family vacations. Sunday lunch is a special family time for us. Long before my girls ever went on a date they had dates with Dad. I’ve tried to make the time I have with my kids all about them not just including them in things I want to do. I’ve tried to not miss anything that was important to them. If I worked hard to plan the times at church I have with the kids of my church why don’t I look for ways to make off days and evening special for the kids ho live t my house.

Seek to understand how God has made each member of your family differently and allow them to be different. My wife and I are very different and I believe different is a good thing. I’m a spender and Julie is a saver. I am overly generous she can be a little tight. We need each other. Our kids are a different mix of both of us. Even though our girls had the same parents ate the same food and lived in the same house they are as different as night and day. I realized when I first started working in the local church. God makes us all different as part of His plan. We are the body of Christ and just like every part of His body has a different purpose and function so does the members of our family. Different personalities calls for differences in how we parent, how we discipline and how we communicate our love as well as how we communicate information. Celebrate how differences, strength and gifts of each family member and dare to speak in their language in a way they can receive and understand you. Dare to be an encourager. To encourage mean to inspire with courage, spirit, or hope, to spur on; to give help to. Be a helper, an encourage and a cheerleader for every member of your family especially your mate.

Be open and honest at all times and admit your mistakes and demonstrate repentance. Why do we try to hide our mistakes from the people who see them the most? My Mom taught me early in life, “Things are not as bad as I think they are. She also told me I’m not as wonderful as I think I am either, it’s always somewhere in between. Our families know firsthand our struggles and inconsistencies but what makes the difference is when we don’t try to hide them or pretend they are not there but we admit them and let they see we are doing something about it. Your family needs to learn from your example Godly repentance. You see there’s a big difference in “I’m sorry and true repentance.” Repentance calls for different behavior. When your family sees you modeling repentance it’s easier for them to apply this in their own lives.

  Establishing a family ministry starts with your family. Others will follow your example! It’s never too late to make right choices, I am so thankful we serve a God who is the God of a second chance for me and my family and the families I get to minister to at church.

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Living Your Best Life

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I love John 10. It’s such a powerful chapter, so many thoughts to take captive and make obedient here. John 10:10 is one of my absolute favorite verses in this chapter because it sums up God’s plan for us! He wants us to experience life, abundant, wonderful life through Him. Here’s 3 ways I’ve found to live your best life!

Number 1: THINK RIGHT.

I’ve found that my biggest battlefield is located between my two ears. If you’ve hung out here on this blog or if you have read any of my books you’ve heard me say “How we think effects what we do!” In other words your actions come from your thinking. If we want to do right, we have to think right. That’s where God’s Word comes in. It always works and adjusts your way of thinking to His way of thinking when you line your thinking up with what God’s Word Says.

Number 2: DON’T COMPARE

One of my Infusers shared this word with me and my other coaches she heard from another coach it was Comparanoia. It’s when you are paranoid because you compare yourself to others. I know a lot of Christian leaders who have fallen victim to this including myself. It’s not just when we compare ourselves to others but even when we compare ourselves to ourselves from past seasons. I’m finding that the season I find myself in now is different from previous seasons of my life. Instead of looking back and wanting to live in the past, I want to be like a river and look ahead to where God is leading me. I want to choose that where I’m headed is God’s new direction for me toward the future He has for me. I’m not going to compare my life to others or to past experiences and desire God’s present plan and purpose for my life.

Number 3: BE THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL

If you can be thank full you can be thank empty, I’ve found that a great way to stay thankful and grateful is to give God glory and credit for everything.  Another verse I love is Psalm 100:3 It says, “Know that the Lord, He is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.”  One of the mistakes older me doesn’t want to make that younger me made was to take credit for things Father God did in my life. We act like good ideas or even fruit that came from obedience was our idea. I had nothing to do with the results, all good stuff comes from Him. When I major on being thankful and grateful and acknowledge Him in all my ways, He makes my paths straight. Every opportunity I have today I am more appreciate of than any opportunity I’ve had  in a previous season. I don’t take serving at a great church for granted. I don’t take opportunities I have to write blogs, articles, books and speak to parents and leaders as ordinary. I cherish each opportunity to help others as gifts from God and special for such a time as this.

Want to live your best life? I do, more than ever! I dare you… read John 10 then walkout these 3 steps this week: THINK RIGHT, DON’T COMPARE, and BE THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL and watch your best life, God’s wonderful, His abundant life come into focus.

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