Learning from an Event You Didn’t Attend

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I’ve been to more conferences and events in my lifetime than I can count—some life-changing, some nap-inducing. But over the years, I’ve discovered something powerful: you don’t have to attend an event to learn from it.

Now don’t get me wrong—there’s something special about being in the room. The energy, the hallway conversations, the worship, the people you meet over coffee… it all matters. But let’s face it—sometimes you just can’t be everywhere. Budgets, schedules, responsibilities, and life happen.

But here’s the thing: a hungry leader doesn’t stop learning just because they couldn’t make the trip.

1. Learn Through Relationships

One of my favorite parts of ministry events has never been the stage—it’s the people. If you know someone who went to a conference or training, call them up. Buy them a coffee. Ask,

“What was the biggest thing you took away from that event?”

You’ll be amazed how much you can glean from a 15-minute debrief with a friend who took notes and caught the vibe. Leaders share what they’re excited about. You just have to ask.
Remember: association is education.

2. Learn Through Resources

Nearly every event these days leaves a trail of gold behind—slides, recordings, podcasts, recaps, or even social posts. Follow the hashtags. Watch the highlight reels. Read the quotes and summaries.

If you missed a session, grab the speaker’s book or look up their podcast. What you missed in the room can still find its way into your heart and mind if you chase it down.

Hungry leaders don’t wait for someone to feed them—they find the food and fix their own plate.

3. Learn Through Reflection

When I miss an event, I don’t just think about what I missed—I think about why.
Was it an event I should have attended? Or was I supposed to be somewhere else doing what God called me to do right then?

Sometimes missing an event reminds me that God’s not measuring my ministry by how many conferences I attend but by how faithfully I apply what I’ve already learned.

Growth isn’t about collecting content—it’s about living it out.

4. Learn Through Application

Let’s be honest: most folks come home from conferences fired up but don’t actually change much. So if you take one or two solid nuggets from a friend’s notes and actually apply them—you’re already ahead of the game.

I’d rather have one truth in motion than a hundred in a notebook.

Missing an event doesn’t mean missing out.
Every moment is a classroom if you’ve got a learner’s heart.
Ask. Watch. Read. Reflect. Apply.

And remember—leaders who stay teachable keep growing… whether they were in the room or not.

Want more like this? Checkout NextGenLeaderLab.com.

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What I’ve Learned About People from Playing Pickleball

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I’ve been around people a long time—church people, ministry people, family people—but lately, pickleball has given me a front row seat to a whole new classroom of human behavior. It’s like a crash course in people skills with a paddle in your hand!

Here are a few things I’ve learned about people while chasing a wiffle ball across the court:

1. People Show Their True Colors Under Pressure

You don’t really know someone until they’re down 9–10 game on the line and serving. Some folks get calm and focused, some get feisty, and some forget every rule they’ve ever learned. Life’s the same way—pressure reveals what’s really inside. Ministry or pickleball, you can’t fake it for long.

2. Everybody Wants a Coach

Even the most competitive players are looking for tips—whether they admit it or not. “Hey, what grip are you using?” or “How do you keep that dink so low?” People are wired to grow, but they need encouragement, not criticism. The same goes for teams and volunteers. Nobody wants a critic with a whistle—they want a coach with a smile.

3. Some Folks Don’t Call the Lines Straight

Let’s be honest, we’ve all played with somebody whose “in” and “out” is a little questionable. It’s amazing how the close calls always seem to go their way. In life and ministry, it’s the same—some people bend the truth for their own advantage. That’s why integrity matters more than winning points.

4. People Love to Belong

Whether it’s a pickleball meetup, a church small group, or just a couple buddies hitting balls, people want to be part of something bigger than themselves. They’ll show up early, bring snacks, even buy the merch and rock the stickers if it means they’re included. Belonging is one of the greatest gifts we can offer in ministry—and pickleball reminded me of that.

5. People Care About Your Story

Some of the best conversations don’t happen on the court—they happen at the tables while folks are waiting their turn to play. That’s where you hear about someone’s family, celebrate their wins, find out about what they do for work and share a laugh or two. Pickleball is more than a game—it’s a front porch for friendships, a place to deepen relationships, and a reminder that people don’t just want to play… they want to connect. And they want to be seen.

6. Everyone Loves to Celebrate

Whether it’s a killer smash or just finally making contact with the ball, people light up when you celebrate them. High fives, paddle taps, “great shot!”—it doesn’t take much. In ministry, same rule applies: celebrate progress, not just perfection. At home, at church and on the court catching people doing thing right make a huge difference.

7. Encouragers Are Gold

There are always a few folks who go out of their way to point out the positive. They’ll tell you “Nice hustle!” even when you whiff the shot, or “You’re getting better every game!” Those encouragers make you feel like a million bucks. And here’s the truth—every church, every team, and every family needs more of them. The encouragers I play and do life with me make me want to be an encourager too. Thank you encouragers for this reminder.

Match Point

Pickleball has taught me something priceless: it’s the only sport where you can lose every game and still walk away with a smile. Why? Because the power of people is greater than the score when everything is said and done. People need encouragement, community, patience, and a whole lot of grace.

So whether you’re dinking, driving, or just waiting for your turn at the table—remember this: people matter more than points.

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Manners, Ministry, and Managing Yourself

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You’ve probably heard this old saying: “Your life speaks so loud, people can’t hear what you’re saying.” That’s the truth. If you’re in ministry—whether with kids, students, or adults—you don’t get to live however you want. You and I are called to live above reproach. That’s not my idea—that’s Bible.
Paul told Timothy that an overseer should be the kind of person others respect, someone self-controlled, hospitable, able to teach, not hot-headed, not money-hungry, and definitely not someone who can’t even keep their own house in order (1 Timothy 3:2–7). In other words, the way we carry ourselves is just as important as the words we teach.
So let’s get real practical. How do we live this out? How do we keep ministry leaders from being the punchline of a bad joke? Let me give you some “grandfatherly advice” from my years of leading and watching others lead.

1. Mind Your Manners (Yes, Even in Ministry)
Some people think “manners” are just for fancy dinners where you don’t know which fork to use. Nope. Manners are simply polite, well-bred social behavior. And believe me, the body of Christ needs ministers with good manners.
Ethics are the moral principles that guide our behavior.
Protocol is the code of conduct or the way things are done.

Put those together and you’ve got the basics of being a leader worth following. You don’t have to be stiff, but you do have to be respectable. I always tell young leaders: If you wouldn’t act that way in front of your grandma, don’t do it in ministry.

2. Start With Honor

Respect isn’t old-fashioned. It’s Kingdom.
Honor your pastors and leaders. Don’t roll your eyes when they give direction.
Respect your elders. Age is not a disease, it’s wisdom with wrinkles.
Don’t rebuke leaders in public. That’s never gone well in the history of the church.
Say “please” and “thank you.” You’ll be shocked how far basic kindness will take you.
And when it comes to communication—show respect in every medium: in person, on the phone, in emails, or even online. Don’t let your keyboard give you courage your character doesn’t back up. Never forget the tone of a text can easily be misinterpreted and an unanswered text speaks louder than you think.

3. Communication Counts

Want to win points with your leaders? Communicate well.
Voicemail: Keep it short and clear. Ain’t nobody got time for your three-minute ramble.
Meetings: Come prepared. Don’t show up with “I don’t know.” Bring answers—even if they’re multiple choice. Nobody likes essay questions. If your late apologize if you have to miss, let them know why ahead of time.
Being Out of the Office: Always let folks know where you are, who’s covering for you, and how to reach you if the world catches fire. Don’t make people guess.

4. Ethics & Protocol: The Ministry Basics
Here’s where leaders sometimes trip up. Let’s get super practical:
Treat guest ministers like VIPs.
If you ever have to cancel a guest or event, do it with integrity and plenty of notice.
Be wise in dealing with the opposite sex—boundaries keep you safe.
Dress like you represent Jesus, not like you just rolled out of bed.
Keep your office and spaces clean. Messy desk = messy brain.
Don’t “borrow” without asking—that’s called stealing.
Follow the policies. If your church has them, use them.
Don’t steal sheep, staff, or volunteers from other ministries. Trust me, it always backfires.
Be above board in handling money. Pennies matter. Take a picture of the receipt at time of purchase and go and turn it in.
If you ever leave a church, leave in a way that blesses—not burns—people.
And hey—get your pastor or supervisor what he/she actually wants, not what you think he/she should want. (Big difference there.)

5. When in Doubt, Ask
Here’s the simplest advice I can give you: Ask questions.
Don’t assume. Don’t fake it. Just ask. If you’re new, ask staff who’ve been around. Learn your leaders heart. The answer is often just one good question away.
Never tell you are taking off ask if you may take off.

6. Phone & Computer Etiquette

Can we talk about the elephant in the meeting? Your cell phone.
Don’t sit in a meeting scrolling Instagram. That’s just rude.
If you’re waiting on an urgent call, say so at the start. Then only answer if it’s critical.
Long meeting? Take a break, return your texts, only if it’s your spouse or boss and come back engaged.
Don’t search for something “more interesting” than the person you’re talking to. Spoiler: they’ll notice.
God gave us caller ID and voicemail for a reason—use them.

7. Sow What You Want to Reap
Want to be listened to? Start by listening.
Want to be respected? Respect authority.
Want to be promoted? Come prepared and participate well.

You don’t reap what you wish for—you reap what you sow.

At the end of the day, ministry isn’t just about how well you preach, teach, or organize—it’s about how well you carry yourself. Live above reproach. Mind your manners. Honor leaders. Communicate clearly. Respect boundaries. Ask when you’re unsure.
If you’ll sow those seeds, you’ll reap a harvest of influence, trust, and longevity in ministry.
And who knows—you might even make your grandma proud.

Want more articles like this plus all my books, video trainings, resources, a members only podcast plus Live Monthly Coaching Events? Join the NextGenLeaderLab.com.

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TRYING SOMETHING NEW (AND NOT BREAKING A HIP)

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I did something recently I’ve never done before.
No, I didn’t dye my hair, get a tattoo, or join a boy band (you’re welcome).
I attended an Advanced Beginner Pickleball Clinic.

Yep, this almost 70-year-old signed up to play with folks who had more spring in their step than I had in my knees. And you know what? I was the oldest one there… and I loved it.

Was I nervous? Absolutely. I didn’t want to be that guy—you know, the one holding up the line or mistaking the serve for a prayer request. But I showed up. I stretched (twice). And I listened to the coach. And guess what? I improved way more with a coach than I ever did just trying to figure it out on my own.

Here’s the deal:
Growth lives on the other side of your comfort zone.
And that’s not just true in pickleball—it’s true in ministry too.

There’s always a first time for everything:
• The first time you preach to adults after years with preschoolers.
• The first time you lead a staff meeting instead of just attending one.
• The first time you let someone else run the event
(and it didn’t fall apart!).

But you won’t get better by sitting on the sidelines hoping experience will magically appear.
You need coaching. Correction. Community. COURAGE.

Sometimes we plateau because we stop learning.
We stop asking questions.
We stop trying new things.
We start coasting on yesterday’s win and calling it “wisdom.”

But growth requires risk.
And sometimes the risk is simply saying: “I don’t know how to do this, but I’m willing to learn.”

I’m so glad I said yes to that clinic. I stretched myself—literally and figuratively—and I’m a better player for it.
More importantly, I’m reminded that leaders who never stop learning never stop leading.

So what’s your “clinic”?
What’s the new thing God’s nudging you to try?
Get out there. Sign up. Ask for help. Get a coach.
And don’t let your age, your fear, or your pride keep you from growing.

And hey—if you’re looking for a coach, a community, and a whole crew of NextGen leaders who are committed to growing together, check out the NextGen Leader Lab. It’s coaching, connection, and encouragement at a price any church can afford.

You don’t have to grow alone.
Let’s do this together—on and off the court.

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Want to Grow Your NextGen Ministry? You Don’t Have to Do It Alone.

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Let’s be real—ministry isn’t getting any easier.

Between recruiting volunteers, leading teams, planning events, managing curriculum, and keeping your own family afloat, it’s no wonder so many NextGen and Family Ministry leaders feel stretched thin.

But here’s the good news:
You don’t have to lead alone.

👋 Welcome to NextGenLeaderLab.com
This isn’t just a resource site. It’s an online coaching community created by ministry leaders for ministry leaders—led by yours truly, Jim Wideman, a pastor and coach who’s been in your shoes for nearly five decades.

At NextGen Leader Lab, you’ll find:

✅ Weekly mentoring articles on real-life leadership issues
✅ Live Q&A sessions where you can ask anything
✅ Downloadable tools you can use today
✅ A private community of leaders who get it
✅ Real-time coaching from someone who’s done it (and is still doing it)

⸻

Why the Lab Works

I’ve spent almost 50 years leading in churches big and small, and coaching hundreds of NextGen leaders. What I’ve learned is this: leaders grow better in community.

The Lab is where:
• New leaders get equipped and encouraged
• Veteran leaders stay sharp and refreshed
• And everyone learns how to lead well and last long

This isn’t about theory—it’s about practical ministry help you can use every week.

Who It’s For:
• Children’s Pastors
• NextGen or Family Ministry Pastors
• Youth Pastors stepping into oversight roles
• New leaders who want to build right
• Veteran leaders who want to finish strong

Let’s Build Something That Lasts—Together

There’s no magic wand in ministry. But there is a better way to grow—and it starts with coaching, community, and a commitment to keep learning.

👉 Click here to join the Lab today »

You’ll get instant access to resources, replays, and a tribe of leaders who’ve got your back.

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