And Maybe They’re Things Your Grandkids Need to Know Too…

I’ve been doing this ministry thing for over half a century.

I’ve preached a lot of sermons. I’ve stood at altars with people on some of the best days of their lives and some of the hardest. I’ve watched churches grow, ministries change, trends come and go, and God do things I could never have planned. 

But the older I get, the more I realize something:

The things that matter most are really pretty simple.

These days I think a lot about my three grandsons—Rhythm, Royal, and Sparrow. And I find myself thinking less about what I want to give them and more about what I want to leave in them.

There’s a big difference.

You can leave your grandkids money. You can leave them property. You can leave them your stuff.

But the greatest legacy isn’t what you leave to someone.

It’s what you leave in them. 

I’m about to release my new book, Grandparenting on Purpose. A big part of the book is about being intentional in passing our faith to our grandchildren so they can pass it to their children and their children’s children. 

Deuteronomy 4:9 tells us not to forget what our eyes have seen but to teach those things to our children and to their children after them.

That verse has become increasingly important to me because I’ve realized something:

I am the keeper of my family’s God-stories.

And so are you.

You can’t pass on what you haven’t identified as important enough to pass on. 

So I started asking myself: If I could make sure my grandkids really understood just a handful of things before my assignment here is finished, what would they be?

I came up with twelve.

Maybe my list will help you make yours.

1. I Want Them to Know God Is Faithful

I’ve followed Jesus long enough to have questions I couldn’t answer.

I’ve experienced disappointments I didn’t understand. I’ve prayed prayers that weren’t answered the way I wanted. I’ve watched doors unexpectedly open and watched others close that I desperately wanted to stay open.

But through all of it, I have never found God to be unfaithful. 

Deuteronomy 7:9 calls Him “the faithful God.”

Lamentations 3 reminds us that His compassion never fails and His mercies are new every morning.

Our grandkids are going to discover that people disappoint you. Plans change. Life surprises you.

I want mine to know where to stand when everything else starts moving.

Plant both feet on the faithfulness of God.

2. I Want Them to Know Jesus Has a Plan for Their Lives

I don’t want my grandkids growing up believing they’re accidents trying to manufacture significance.

I want them to understand they were made on purpose, for a purpose.

Ephesians 2:10 says we’re God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for good works that He prepared in advance for us.

In other words, there are assignments with their names already on them.

One of the guiding Scriptures of my life has been Psalm 37:23: “The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him.”

I’ve learned God usually doesn’t show us the whole staircase.

He shows us the next step.

Then our job is to take it. 

That’s something I want my next generation to understand.

3. I Want Them to Know Relationships Matter

Who you walk with matters almost as much as where you’re walking.

Proverbs says iron sharpens iron.

So I want my grandkids to choose people who sharpen them instead of people who dull their edge.

And when it comes to dating and marriage, I’ve got one of those Big G sayings I want them to remember:

You will never marry someone you don’t date.

So know before you go.

Don’t date somebody hoping they’ll eventually become the kind of person you should marry.

Watch character. And when God brings the right person into your life, love them intentionally.

After nearly five decades of marriage to Julie, I know this much:

A good marriage isn’t built accidentally. It’s built one decision at a time. 

4. I Want Them to Know They Can Hear God’s Voice

Jesus said in John 10:27, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”

I want my grandkids to recognize God’s voice.

They’re growing up in a world noisier than the one I grew up in. Everybody has an opinion. Phones talk to us. Social media talks to us. Friends talk to us. Culture never stops talking.

That’s why the next generation desperately needs to learn to recognize the voice of God above all the others.

Read His Word. Pray. Listen.

And every once in a while, turn everything else off.

Sometimes hearing God starts with getting quiet. 

5. I Want Them Planted in God’s House

Notice I didn’t say I want them to attend church.

I want them planted.

Psalm 92:13 says those who are planted in the house of the Lord will flourish.

I’ve watched people treat church like a gas station. They pull in when they’re running on empty, get enough to keep going, and disappear until the warning light comes back on.

I don’t want that for my grandkids.

I want them to find a Bible-believing, Spirit-Filled church. Show up. Serve. Give. Build relationships. Let people know them. Let people pray for them. And don’t run every time something happens they don’t like. 

Here’s the picture I want them to remember:

A potted plant can be moved whenever the weather changes. A planted tree develops roots. Be a tree. 

6. I Want Them to Know Our Family’s God-Story

Every family has stories.

Tell the funny ones. Tell the vacation stories. Tell the stories everybody has heard a hundred times.

But please don’t forget the God-stories.

Psalm 78:4 says we’re to tell the next generation about the Lord’s power and the things He has done.

Tell them how God provided. Tell them how He called you. Tell them about the doors He opened.

Tell them how He protected you. Tell them about answered prayers.

And especially tell them about the hard seasons God brought you through. 

Psalm 145:4 says, “One generation commends your works to another.”

Grandparents, don’t let the God-stories stop with you.

7. I Want Them to Have Scriptures They Can Build Their Lives On

The Bible isn’t decoration for a coffee table.

It’s ammunition for life.

Psalm 37:23–24 has carried me through a lot of seasons. So has Philippians 4:13.

I want my grandkids to find their verses. Memorize them. Write them down.

Underline them. Put them somewhere they’ll see them.

Because one day life will get dark, and they won’t need a verse they once saw on social media.

They’ll need the Word of God that’s already inside them. 

8. I Want Them to Know How to Talk to God

Prayer doesn’t have to sound religious. God isn’t grading your vocabulary.

He’s interested in you. Talk to God when you’re happy.

Talk to Him when you’re scared. Talk to Him when you’re confused.

Talk to Him when you’re angry. Talk to Him when you’ve messed up.

Talk to Him when something wonderful happens.

First Thessalonians 5:17 simply says, “Pray continually.”

Here’s what I want my grandkids to understand:

Prayer isn’t an event you attend. It’s a relationship you live.

And since conversations work both ways, sometimes quit talking and listen. 

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9. I Want Them to Know How to Work

Nobody owes you a living. Colossians 3:23 says whatever you do, do it wholeheartedly as unto the Lord.

That’s a principle I want passed down.

Show up. Be on time. Keep your word. Finish what you start.

Do more than you’re asked when you can.

If you’re sweeping a floor, sweep it well. If you’re running a company, run it with excellence. And if you’re serving God, don’t give Him your leftovers. 

Work like your name is on it—because it is.

10. I Want Them to Understand Honor and Authority

This one won’t get as many likes on social media, but it can take a young person a long way.

Learn to honor.

Ephesians 6 connects honoring your father and mother with a promise: “that it may go well with you.”

I’ve always paid attention to that. Honor has a promise attached to it.

And the principle of honor doesn’t disappear when you turn eighteen.

There will be teachers, coaches, bosses, pastors, and leaders. You won’t always agree with them, and you don’t have to.

But you can still learn honor.  After watching leaders for more than fifty years, I’ve noticed something:

People who learn to carry honor well usually learn to carry authority well. 

11. I Want Them to Know Family Is Worth Fighting For

The older I get, the more important family becomes.

Not less. More.

This world gives us a thousand things to chase—careers, money, recognition, success, experiences.

But here’s something I want my grandkids to remember:

Don’t win everywhere else and lose at home.

Joshua said, “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

That’s not just something to put on a sign in your kitchen.

It’s a decision. As well as a daily choice.

Be the person who brings family together. Call. Show up. Forgive quickly. Say you’re sorry. Celebrate birthdays. Make memories. Take pictures. Tell stories. Eat meals together.

And when family gets complicated—and it will—don’t throw people away too quickly. 

Family isn’t something you squeeze into your schedule. Family is part of your assignment.

12. I Want Them to Be Able to Point to My Life and Say, “Big G Trusted God”

This might be the most important one.

I don’t care if my grandkids remember every book I wrote.

I don’t care if they remember where I spoke, every church I served, or every ministry idea I ever had.

But I desperately want them to remember this:

Big G trusted God.

Hebrews 13:7 tells us to consider the outcome of the lives of those who taught us God’s Word and to imitate their faith.

That’s the legacy I want. Not fame. Faith. 

I want my grandkids to remember times when things didn’t look good, but Big G kept trusting.

When the answer didn’t come quickly, he kept believing.

When life got hard, he didn’t quit. Paul said near the end of his life:

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” — 2 Timothy 4:7

That’s how I want to finish. Not perfect. Faithful. 

And isn’t that really what grandparenting on purpose is all about?

We’re not trying to make little copies of ourselves.

We’re trying to leave behind men and women who know Jesus, trust God, love their families, serve His Church, know His Word, work hard, honor others, and have their own God-stories to tell.

Because someday our grandchildren will be the grandparents.

And they’ll sit around a table with another generation looking up at them.

What will they tell them? Hopefully they’ll say:

“Let me tell you about something God did for our family a long time ago.”

And the story will keep going.

That’s how faith travels from generation to generation. 

So here’s my challenge to every grandparent reading this:

What’s on your list?

What are the things you know now that you don’t want your grandchildren to have to learn the hard way?

What are the God-stories only you can tell?

What Scriptures carried you? What prayers did God answer?

What do you want planted in them while you still have the opportunity to plant it?

Don’t just think about it.

Write it down. Tell the stories. Have the conversations. Be intentional.

Because your grandchildren don’t just need what you’ve accumulated.

They need what you’ve learned.

But it’s up to you to be intentional to pass it on!

It Might Be the Most Important Thing I’ve Ever Written

I’ve written a lot of books over the years. More than fifteen, if you’re counting. I’ve written about children’s ministry, leadership, recruiting volunteers, building teams, and finishing strong. And every single one of them meant something to me.
But this one is different.

“Grandparenting On Purpose: Leaving Faith in the Next Generation” is here  and I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t set out to write it. God kind of backed me into a corner on this one. Because somewhere between becoming a grandfather to Sparrow, Rhythm, and Royal, and watching the world they’re growing up in, I realized something that kept me up at night:
Loving your grandchildren isn’t enough.
I know that sounds harsh. Stay with me.

The grandparents who actually leave a lasting faith legacy in their families aren’t the ones who love their grandchildren the most, they’re the ones who show up with intention. They’re the ones who understand that this season of life isn’t a retirement from purpose. It’s one of the most significant assignments God will ever hand you.
And most of us were never trained for it.

That’s what this book is about. Twelve chapters. Real talk. Practical steps. No fluff, no guilt, just a road map for grandparents who are done drifting and ready to get intentional about the time they have left with the people who matter most.

This book talks about how to partner with your adult children instead of accidentally working against them. I talk about faith transfer, what it actually looks like to hand something living to the next generation instead of just a set of rules. I also talk about storytelling, technology, boundaries, legacy, and what it means to be present in a world that’s fighting for your grandchildren’s attention every second of every day.

I’ve spent more than fifty years in children’s and family ministry. I’ve seen what works and what doesn’t. I’ve coached thousands of leaders and spoken to hundreds of thousands of people. But nothing I’ve ever done hits closer to home than this.
Because Sparrow, Rhythm, and Royal aren’t a ministry project. They’re my grandsons. And everything in this book, I wrote for them first.

If you’re a grandparent or you’re about to be one or you know one who needs a nudge in the right direction, this book is for you. Grandparenting On Purpose is here, and I believe it’s going to change the way your family looks for generations.

You can order it here or on Amazon. The Audio Book will also be available soon on Audible.

Let’s be honest…

We all love talking about change—until it actually shows up uninvited.

There’s a big difference between leading change and being surprised by it.

One feels like vision.

The other feels like whiplash.

And if you’ve been in ministry long enough, you’ve experienced both.

The Myth of the Perfect Bus Ride

We’ve all heard it:

“Get the right people on the bus… and in the right seats.”

Great line. Preaches well. Makes for a strong leadership talk.

But in real life? Seats shift. People grow. Roles change.

And sometimes… the bus takes a turn you didn’t see coming.

Suddenly, what used to fit… doesn’t fit anymore.

And here’s the hard part:

Moving seats is never just strategic—it’s emotional.

It takes humility: 

  • From leaders who have to make tough calls
  • From team members who have to adjust
  • From everyone who has to trust the process when it’s not fully explained

When Communication Isn’t Perfect

Let’s go there for a second.

Sometimes communication is clear. Sometimes it’s not.

Sometimes you get a full explanation.

Sometimes you get… silence.

And that gap? That’s where assumptions grow.

But here’s a leadership truth I’ve learned over 50 years:

You don’t need full information to have full trust.

That doesn’t mean we ignore communication—it matters deeply.

But when it’s lacking, maturity fills the gap.

Immaturity says: “Why didn’t they tell me everything?”

Maturity says: “God, what are YOU doing in me through this?”

God Is Doing a New Thing

Isaiah 43:19 says:

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”

We love that verse. We quote it. We preach it. We put it on slides.

But we skip the verse right before it:

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” (Isaiah 43:18)

Here’s the deal:

You can’t step into a new thing while holding onto an old thing.

God’s new work requires open hands.

And open hands mean… you had to let something go. Something that’s been your identity or that feels comfortable. But that old thing might has become an anchor that’s causing you to be stuck when the Lord saws it’s time to move.

When You Don’t Know Where You’re Going

Let me say something that might free you:

You don’t always need clarity—you need direction.

There are seasons where you won’t have a full map.

No GPS. No step-by-step.

Just a next step.

And in those moments, you go back to what you do know:

  • God is faithful
  • God is leading
  • God is not confused

So what do we do?

We keep our eyes on the Lord.

Not on the changes. Not on the confusion. Not on what we lost.

On Him.

What You Know for Sure

When change hits and clarity is low, here’s what you can anchor to:

  • You may not know where you’re going…
  • But you do know you can’t go back

And here’s the surprising part:

You don’t actually want to go back.

Even if it felt comfortable, even if it felt successful, even if it felt familiar.

Because growth changes you.

And once you’ve grown, yesterday’s version of life won’t fit anymore.

Coaching Moment

Let me talk to you like I would in a coaching call:

This moment you’re in? It’s not punishment. It’s not random.

It’s not the end.

It’s repositioning.

God is adjusting the seats. Shifting the roles. Rewriting the plan.

And yes—it takes humility.

Yes—it can feel unclear.

Yes—it stretches you.

But don’t miss it:

God isn’t just doing a new thing around you—He’s doing a new thing in you.

So take the next step. Trust the process. Keep your eyes on Him.

And remember…

You may not have chosen this change.

But with God, this change can still become your greatest growth.

Everybody talks about great leadership.

Visionary leadership.
Servant leadership.
Transformational leadership.

But sometimes the best way to recognize healthy leadership… is to first recognize unhealthy leadership.

Over my years in ministry, I’ve learned something important:

Bad leadership usually doesn’t happen all at once.
It happens one unhealthy habit at a time.

Most leaders don’t wake up one morning and decide to hurt people.
Instead, pride slowly replaces humility. Pressure replaces peace. Control replaces trust. And over time, the atmosphere around them changes.

The dangerous part is this:
A leader can still be gifted, talented, visionary, funny, spiritual, and successful on the outside… while quietly damaging the people around them on the inside.

So here are 10 signs of unhealthy leadership every leader should watch for—not just in others, but in themselves.

Because if we stay humble and teachable, we can all grow.

1. Everything Becomes About the Leader

Bad leaders crave attention more than they value people.

Every story points back to them.
Every win has their fingerprints on it.
Every conversation somehow circles back to their accomplishments.

Healthy leaders shine the spotlight on others.
Bad leaders need the spotlight to survive.

Good leaders say:
“Look what God did through the team.”

Bad leaders say:
“Look what I built.”

There’s a huge difference between leading people… and needing people to validate your identity.

Healthy leaders don’t need to be the hero in every story.

2. They Refuse Feedback

One of the clearest signs of unhealthy leadership is defensiveness.

Bad leaders:

  • Explain away concerns
  • Dismiss criticism
  • Punish honesty
  • Avoid evaluation
  • Surround themselves with “yes people”

But only the things we evaluate improve.

A leader who cannot receive correction eventually loses credibility.

The older I get, the more thankful I am for people who love me enough to tell me the truth.

Healthy leaders ask questions like:

  • “What am I missing?”
  • “How could I do this better?”
  • “What does this feel like from your side of the table?”

If nobody can challenge you… you’re already in danger.

3. They Create Fear Instead of Trust

People should not feel nervous every time the leader walks into the room.

Bad leaders motivate with intimidation:

  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of embarrassment
  • Fear of disappointing the boss
  • Fear of losing position
  • Fear of speaking honestly

People walk on eggshells around unhealthy leaders.

Nobody relaxes.
Nobody risks.
Nobody shares ideas freely.

Healthy leaders create safety.

That doesn’t mean they lower standards.
It means people know they can be honest, ask questions, fail, grow, and learn without humiliation.

Fear may produce short-term performance.
But trust produces long-term growth.

4. They Don’t Develop Other Leaders

Bad leaders secretly need to stay needed.

So they:

  • Micromanage
  • Control information
  • Avoid delegation
  • Keep decision-making centralized
  • Refuse to release authority

Why?

Because insecure leaders fear replacement.

Healthy leaders understand this truth:

“There is no success without successors.”

Real leadership is not building followers.
It’s building leaders.

Healthy leaders celebrate when people grow stronger, wiser, and more capable.

Bad leaders feel threatened by gifted people around them.

5. They Care More About Image Than Integrity

Bad leadership becomes obsessed with appearances.

Looking spiritual.
Looking successful.
Looking important.
Looking influential.

But eventually image management catches up with character deficiencies.

Healthy leaders understand that who you are when nobody’s watching matters more than platform, applause, or influence.

Your private life eventually introduces itself to your public ministry.

Every time.

Integrity means your life matches your message.

And when leaders sacrifice character to protect image, everybody around them eventually pays the price.

6. They Never Admit They’re Wrong

Bad leaders think apologizing weakens authority.

Actually, the opposite is true.

One sincere apology can build more trust than ten great sermons.

Healthy leaders say things like:

  • “I missed that.”
  • “I handled that poorly.”
  • “Will you forgive me?”
  • “You were right.”
  • “Thank you for telling me.”

Pride protects ego.
Humility protects relationships.

People don’t expect leaders to be perfect.

But they do need leaders to be honest.

7. They Exhaust Everyone Around Them

Some leaders create momentum.
Others create burnout.

Bad leaders constantly live in:

  • Chaos
  • Pressure
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Constant urgency

Everything becomes “critical.”
Everything becomes an emergency.

And one of the biggest signs of unhealthy leadership is this:

They constantly leak their pressure onto everyone else.

Everybody around them feels the stress.
Feels the frustration.
Feels the tension.

Instead of bringing stability into the room, they bring anxiety into the room.

You can almost feel it when they walk in.

Another sign?

Their first response is almost always “no.”

“No, that won’t work.”
“No, we tried that.”
“No, that’s impossible.”
“No, we can’t afford it.”
“No, not now.”

Negative leaders slowly drain creativity, faith, and energy from the people around them.

Healthy leaders don’t ignore problems—but they also don’t spread panic.

They bring perspective.
Hope.
Faith.
Calm.

Eventually the staff, volunteers, and family members around unhealthy leaders become emotionally exhausted because they’re constantly carrying pressure that was never meant to be theirs.

Healthy leaders understand rhythm.

Jesus did ministry at a sustainable pace.

If your leadership destroys your family, health, joy, or soul… something is wrong.

8. They Use People Instead of Loving People

People are not tools.

Bad leaders view people primarily for what they can produce:

  • Attendance
  • Giving
  • Volunteer hours
  • Platform growth
  • Influence
  • Results

Healthy leaders genuinely care about people beyond their usefulness.

Jesus never treated people like stepping stones.

Ministry is still about people.
Not numbers.
Not branding.
Not building a personal empire.

People matter.

And the moment leaders begin valuing productivity more than people, leadership becomes transactional instead of transformational.

Healthy leaders remember names.
Care about families.
Notice pain.
Celebrate growth.

Because shepherds feed sheep.
They don’t use sheep.

9. They Avoid Difficult Conversations

Bad leaders either explode… or disappear.

They:

  • Gossip instead of confront
  • Delay necessary conversations
  • Let dysfunction spread
  • Hope problems magically solve themselves

And sometimes the worst communication isn’t harsh communication…

It’s no communication.

People don’t know where they stand.
Nobody explains decisions.
Questions go unanswered.
Tension quietly fills the room.

Instead of addressing issues directly, unhealthy leaders use silence as a weapon.

They give the silent treatment.
Withdraw emotionally.
Avoid eye contact.
Stop communicating.

And everybody around them is left trying to interpret moods instead of receiving clarity.

Healthy leaders understand that silence creates confusion.

People can usually handle a hard answer better than uncertainty.

Healthy leaders communicate clearly, kindly, and consistently—even when conversations are uncomfortable.

They speak the truth in love.

Not harshly.
Not cowardly.
Clearly. Kindly. Honestly.

Leadership requires courage.

Avoiding hard conversations today usually creates harder conversations tomorrow.

10. They Stop Growing

The most dangerous leader in the room is the one who thinks they already know everything.

Bad leaders become unteachable.

They stop:

  • Reading
  • Learning
  • Listening
  • Asking questions
  • Seeking counsel
  • Being curious

Growth always slows when curiosity disappears.

One of the reasons coaching matters so much is because everybody has blind spots.

Everybody.

The moment a leader thinks:
“I’ve arrived…”

They’ve already started drifting backward.

Healthy leaders stay hungry to grow.

They know leadership is a process, not a pill.

Time to Evaluate

None of us lead perfectly.

If you’ve been leading for any length of time, you’ve probably seen a little of yourself somewhere in this list. I know I have.

But healthy leadership isn’t about pretending to be flawless.

It’s about staying humble enough to grow.

You don’t have to wait to all of these show up to make adjustments. Any one of these can hurt your effectiveness. It’s always the right time to evaluate.

The good news is this:
Bad leadership habits can change.

When leaders stay teachable, Spirit-led, honest, and people-focused, God can do incredible things through them.

Leadership is not about power.
It’s about stewardship.

And the best leaders never stop asking:

“How can I serve people better?”

“How can I improve?”

“What do I need to adjust first?”

I’ve been to more conferences and events in my lifetime than I can count—some life-changing, some nap-inducing. But over the years, I’ve discovered something powerful: you don’t have to attend an event to learn from it.

Now don’t get me wrong—there’s something special about being in the room. The energy, the hallway conversations, the worship, the people you meet over coffee… it all matters. But let’s face it—sometimes you just can’t be everywhere. Budgets, schedules, responsibilities, and life happen.

But here’s the thing: a hungry leader doesn’t stop learning just because they couldn’t make the trip.

1. Learn Through Relationships

One of my favorite parts of ministry events has never been the stage—it’s the people. If you know someone who went to a conference or training, call them up. Buy them a coffee. Ask,

“What was the biggest thing you took away from that event?”

You’ll be amazed how much you can glean from a 15-minute debrief with a friend who took notes and caught the vibe. Leaders share what they’re excited about. You just have to ask.
Remember: association is education.

2. Learn Through Resources

Nearly every event these days leaves a trail of gold behind—slides, recordings, podcasts, recaps, or even social posts. Follow the hashtags. Watch the highlight reels. Read the quotes and summaries.

If you missed a session, grab the speaker’s book or look up their podcast. What you missed in the room can still find its way into your heart and mind if you chase it down.

Hungry leaders don’t wait for someone to feed them—they find the food and fix their own plate.

3. Learn Through Reflection

When I miss an event, I don’t just think about what I missed—I think about why.
Was it an event I should have attended? Or was I supposed to be somewhere else doing what God called me to do right then?

Sometimes missing an event reminds me that God’s not measuring my ministry by how many conferences I attend but by how faithfully I apply what I’ve already learned.

Growth isn’t about collecting content—it’s about living it out.

4. Learn Through Application

Let’s be honest: most folks come home from conferences fired up but don’t actually change much. So if you take one or two solid nuggets from a friend’s notes and actually apply them—you’re already ahead of the game.

I’d rather have one truth in motion than a hundred in a notebook.

Missing an event doesn’t mean missing out.
Every moment is a classroom if you’ve got a learner’s heart.
Ask. Watch. Read. Reflect. Apply.

And remember—leaders who stay teachable keep growing… whether they were in the room or not.

Want more like this? Checkout NextGenLeaderLab.com.

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