10 Things I Wish Old Jim Could Teach Young Jim

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A wise old man once told me, “Experience is the best teacher, but it doesn’t have to be your   experiences that you learn from.” Every person I know who is successful has learned from a lifetime of mistakes—theirs as well as the mistakes of others. My mom always told me, “Jim, don’t make the same mistake twice. There’s enough different ones you can make every time.” No truer statement has ever been uttered.

Having done children’s ministry in my 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and now my 60s, I’ve had a chance to make a lot of different mistakes and choices along the way. Would I do things differently if I could go back and do it again? Sure I would. We all would, because hindsight is always 20/20. Forty years ago I could not have taught you leadership. I hadn’t learned it yet. Forty years ago I had very few workers. I had a big vision, but didn’t know how to make a plan and lead others. I was a hard worker but not a smart worker. The good news is God blessed me in spite of myself. The dreams that were in my heart were not coming to pass. I was smart enough to get some help and to do things differently rather than keep doing what was not working and expecting a different outcome. I’m so glad that years ago I decided that I would become a lifetime learner. I am still learning, but to do so, I have to just say “no” to the know-it-all spirit. So with this in mind, let’s look at 10 things I wish Old Jim could teach Young Jim.

  1. Don’t be a one-man show. Build a team. When you train, empower and release others. It makes it possible for you to do what only you should be doing. There really is no success without successors, which is a byproduct of team building. Just like in sports the key to continued success is to build depth at every key position. This doesn’t happen by delegation alone but by duplicating yourself and the vision into those you lead. Duplication comes through coaching and hands-on training. Young Jim did it all himself. Old Jim allows the team to develop their skills through coaching and encouraging, as well as by doing. Everyone does better with a coach!
  1. Watch how you think. Your thinking controls your actions. It moves you forward or holds you back. I was a lot more opinionated when I was younger than I am now. It took me years before I would and could admit that I don’t know what I’m doing. That’s why it’s always smart to evaluate your thinking and choose to think God’s way. I love Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right,whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” I wish I did this all the time, but if you’re not evaluating how you think on a regular basis, bad stuff happens. It will always work to your favor to think like Jesus. Think in steps. That’s how God leads the righteous. Think like a parent and those you are serving. Think like a visitor. Old Jim has a lot more check-ups from the neck up. Take every thought captive to be obedient to Christ Jesus.
  1. Learn from others! Read! Join a local kidmin network. If one doesn’t exist in your area, start one. Find a mentor or a coach. (Have you checked out Infuse or kidmincoach.com?) Study those who are successful. Don’t just study what they do, but learn why they do what they do. I have come to realize effective leadership is a process not a pill. Learn the process and the why behind it. Look for a model that you can tweak to fit your church and ministry. Jim, is it wrong to borrow ideas? I sure hope not or I’d be in trouble. Learn how to copy, but at the same time learn how to make the copy your own. Ask questions, tons of them, to anyone who will let you. Also, never be afraid to try what you’re learning—experiment with it.
  1. Commit to the long haul. Jim, are you telling us when you were younger you thought about quitting? I sure did … every Monday for a while. It took me a while to stop looking at what I was seeing and have a vision of the finish line. Here are some biggies I wish I had known.
  • Don’t talk about leaving every time you experience pushback.
  • Be willing to put your dreams on the back burner to serve someone else’s dreams. Every dream I ever had came true by being willing to help others see their dreams come true.
  • Be secure in your calling. If God called you, and He leads your steps, the things you are experiencing good or bad are not a surprise to Him, so trust Him to lead you.
  • It’s my job to remember leading is all about serving. I’ve found when I amconsumed in better ways to serve kids and families—serve those who help you and serve your pastor—it helps me not be the center of attention.
  • One of the things I’d love to tell young Jim is to be on the lookout for fear. Anytime fear is around you’re about to head backwards instead of forward. Never give into fear. It will always stop you short of the finish line. The two fears that I had to face the most were fear of failure and fear of losing my job. You might face different fears. The key is to face them head on and replace fear with faith.
  • Another enemy of finishing strong is trying to do everything overnight. Too much too quick is always trouble. Do things in phases or steps, and learn to live by priorities. Have realistic expectations for yourself, and don’t stop until you hear God say it’s done.
  1. Don’t take part in power plays! I don’t know why even as adults we sometimes act like kids. Don’t try to get your way all the time. There’s no “I” in team. Old Jim would tell Young Jim that thinking about the well-being of others will always lead you to being the team player you need to be. Look for every opportunity to esteem the team. I’ve never enjoyed being around pouters, so I have to examine myself and don’t pout. I’d also tell Young Jim that there’s no place for threats in the workplace. Don’t threaten to leave, and don’t ever pull out the “God said card” in a meeting. If God said it, that’s a discussion stopper. Know when you need to lose a battle to win a war. Anytime I enter a negotiation I have to know what I’m willing to give up to take new ground. I’ve also found out that sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut and not defend yourself so it will not appear like you’re arguing. Old Jim knows God is your Defender and He gives grace to the humble. When it comes to staying away from power plays, don’t make someone else look bad to get your way. Old Jim knows that blessed is the peacemaker. Anytime you have the opportunity to make peace, go for it!
  1. Take care of your health! Old Jim is being forced to do this today. Exercise, sleep, and good nutrition are essential to you finishing well. Making time for important things is something that will help you at any age. I wish Young Jim knew that making time for exercise has to be a part of your weekly routine, just like meetings and ministry. I know firsthand that everyone makes time for what they really want to make time for. Old Jim would tell Young Jim to make time for the right things. I realize now I’ve been guilty of working on the wrong temple. Neglecting one to work on the other was not real smart. They both deserve our best and both need a plan of action.
  1. The law of the lid determines the quality of leaders I can draw. I didn’t realize in my early years of ministry I was holding myself back for not growing my leadership. Go back to number three and put some action steps in place to improve your leadership level. You will never attract workers sharper than you are.
  1. Put your family second only to your relationship to God. Do things that your family will remember forever. If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t have spent all my vacation time visiting parents and doing ministry. Guard your days off and make them special for your family. Guard your nights. I think it’s important that a family church allows for family time. Listen to your family, and be sensitive to their needs. To do that, you have to listen with your eyes as well as your ears.
  1. Represent your leader well. Jesus said if you’ve seen me you’ve seen the Father. Could this be said of you? Simple things like: dressing appropriately, not being silly, not building loyalties to yourself, and never talking negatively about those in leadership above you. Be your pastor’s biggest fan!
  1. Be a lover of God’s people. The ministry is all about relationships. People matter! I believe the time we spend to empower and encourage people is never wasted. Old Jim knows people are more valuable than programs, meetings, and study. I’m more thankful for the people God has put into my life than the accomplishments I’ve seen.  People are important to God and should be important to us.
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We Said No To Ho, Ho, Ho

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Back in November of 1978, Julie and I began our lives together. It was a wonderful day, all the the kids in our children’s church were so excited about attending our wedding. I’ll never forget one little fellow name Zack asked us if he could go on our “Moon ride” with us. I told him he couldn’t and one day he would have his own “Moon ride.” (He thought when his parents said we were going on a honeymoon they said we were going on a moon ride) I had no idea all of the work involved in the two becoming one. You see although Julie and I both loved Jesus, our families, rock and roll and each other we soon found out we has come from two completely different parenting styles. As we began to talk about all of our differences the big desire of our hearts was to train our children based on God’s Word more than our own family and cultural traditions.

A few years ago I wrote an article here on my blog and in Kidzmatter! on “Developing A Biblical Word View in your Family” In that article I wrote:

“Just like the church needs a Biblical vision for reaching children so does the family. Have you ever asked God for what He wants for your family? I realized that God designed the family to put His word into future generations. If you aim at nothing you’ll hit it every time. So if God gives us the desires of your heart what is your desire and goals for your children? For me I wanted our family to be close. I wanted them to love the Lord with all their heart and love the word. In fact I wanted them to love the Bible so much that it was what they based every choice in their life on. “

Julie and I believed the Bible was and still is the benchmark of how we should view the world and how we live. The Bible tells us we are in the world but we are not of the world. The Bible also tells us to come out of the world and be separate yet we are told to be salt and light to the world. Over the years I have studied families and the different way they parent. I’ve also studied churches and the different way they do church. To me the families and churches who have the greatest success are the ones who have teamed together to join their forces to develop in individuals a biblical view of how to live 24/7.  I have had the wonderful honor of raising two wonderful daughters. They are both successful not only in business but also in their spiritual walk.  My girls are as different as night and day, if I had not been in the delivery room with both of them I would not believe they were kin. I have had to discipline them differently, I have to communicate and instruct them differently. But when it comes down to making choices and how to live it was the same for them as it was for their mother and I and that was “What does the Bible say?”

There are lots of voices that speak into our lives that challenge a biblical world view. As a parent and as a pastor I cannot block out every voice that speaks to my family and to my congregation nor should I but I have spent my life pointing out that God’s word contains truth and the truth of the Word is what will set us free. God’s word is the filter we should view the world through! Years ago I learned that all a stronghold is, is believing wrong information. When we take captive every thought and make it obedient to the word of God it produces right thinking that creates right actions. Our actions come from our thinking, that’s why we have to be intentional about the voices we listen to and the actions we do, regardless of our age. When my children were small we limited the voices and the “traditions we planted in our children.” Just because a movie or TV show was animated or geared for children didn’t mean we allowed our children to feed on it.”

This led us to the big question what were we going to do about mythical traditions?

Julie and I both grew up in Christian households. Both of our families attended church on a regular basis. Our parents also told us both about the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. We also both grew up watching all the disney “fairytale” movies and reading traditional children’s books. When Julie and I found out that our parents were really “Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy” it affected us differently. Julie just kind of went along as long as her parents wanted to play the game. I felt betrayed. It also made me question was Jesus real too or did they make Him up too?

One thing Julie and I knew was we wanted to do whatever we could to help our kids know the difference between fiction and truth.

We decided to do something that might not have been popular but we felt it was what was right for us as a family. We chose to not tell them there was a tooth fairy, Daddy bought their teeth. Oh we still to this day give our kids Easter Baskets but they don’t come from Peter Cottontail hopping down the bunny trail they come from Mom and Dad.

But the most controversial decision we ever made was to say say no to Ho Ho Ho!

We never told our girls their Christmas presents came from the north pole or that they where made by elves. We told them the stories as stories not as truth. The truth was their presents came from Mom and Dad with love bought with money Father God provided to us because He loves His kids and wants us to love ours. We told our children that Father God started the whole gift giving tradition by giving the first Christmas present His one and only son. I don’t think our girls could have been more excited about Christmas than they were growing up. They went to bed wondering what Mom and Dad were going to give them in the same way other kids were excited about presents from Santa. The funny thing that would happen was when adults would ask Yancy what Santa was going to bring her she would answer nothing. Those adults would look at use like we were the worst parents in the world. I’ll be honest with you at first I was guilty of being somewhat of a Santa basher. Some of you might have heard a song I wrote for an early Puppet Trax tape that said “Santa Claus never died for anybody’s sin and the Easter Bunny never rose again.” I remember walking through the mall around Christmas time and saw a mall Santa. I remember saying something about there he is, the God of this world and I remember Yancy as a very little girl saying Dad it’s just a man in a suit like your gorilla suits. After that I just took a chill pill I had done what we wanted to do, we had taught our girls the difference between truth and fantasy.

My kids, as they got older loved Disney. They were big Snow White fans, Big Little Mermaid fans. They loved puppets, all my full bodied costumes and even clowns. They even have had their picture made with Santa. But more than anything my girls love Jesus. They love their parents and are very close to us. Although we are not perfect parents we have never told them a half truth, a white lie or fantasy story as a true story.

Because of this my children believed me about Jesus   When I told them about the hurt and pain from living contrary to God’s word they believed me, didn’t need to experience the pain themselves they learned from my mistakes and believed me, because I’ve always told them the truth. I learned when I first started working with kids  in church to always keep your promises to them. I never made a promise in children’s church that I couldn’t keep, if I did that at church I needed to do that at home.

I have no regrets for telling my kids the truth. They still look forward to Christmas and seeing what they are going to get from Mom and Dad but greater than that they know the reason for the season that God’s son became a man and dwelt among us!

Now my oldest has two sons of her own. She and her husband made a choice for their kids to follow this example and tell their kids the truth about Christmas. My big grandson loves Christmas as much as his mom and I’m sure his little brother will be just as excited once he get’s older. But I want for them what I wanted for their mom and aunt Woo, that their G and GiGi will always speak the truth of God’s word to our family in love, no matter if it’s not popular.

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Learning From Our Mistakes

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In my book Tweetable Leadership one of my favorite tweets is” Experience is the best teacher but it’s doesn’t have to be your experiences that you learn from.” This is true but so is this one…”Don’t make the same mistake twice, there are enough different ones you can make each time.”  I don’t why I learn from others more than I learn from my own mistakes. One of the mistakes I seem to make over and over is I push myself too much. I go until I can’t go anymore then I rest and work on boosting my adrenals then I get back after it. Not only has this become my routine but I’ve passed this on to my children and tons of x-employees. I was suppose to be in Atlanta today for meetings but I believe the Lord moved my meeting to the next week so I could work on me and learn from my own mistakes and work on me. So what did yo do Jim? I’m glad you asked.

1. I got on my calendar and booked a massage every few weeks for the rest of the year to work on my health.

2. I got on my calendar and watched how many nights I had in a row and scheduled myself some down time.

3. I also went ahead and scheduled all my vacation for the rest of the year.

So what mistakes are you making on a regular basis when you need different action for yourself, your family, and your ministry?

Post them here under comments.

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Questions To Ask And Things Todo To Have A Happy New Year

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I can’t believe 2016 is here! I am so excited to begin my 41st year of ministry.  I love New Years because folks naturally do 2 things that I’ve been telling #Kidmin leaders they need to do on a regular basis.  One-they need to evaluate. You can’t evaluate without asking some key questions like, “What worked in 2014?” “Do you know why they worked?” Once you find the answers make sure you continue you do this in the New Year. Now ask yourself, “What didn’t work and why?” My favorite question to ask myself is “What am I going to do different to produce a different result?” Same action always brings same results. The reason you have to determine what didn’t work is so that you don’t take bad habits into the New Year. The second thing you need to do is to set goals. A goal is simply a target or mark that you are aiming at. Where do you need to improve? I just don’t look at my ministry I start with me. What do I need to do differently in my spiritual life. I like to ask myself “Has there ever been a time in my life that I’m more in love with Jesus than I am right now? If the answer is yes, I’m the only person that can fix that. What do I need to change for my family? Yes God has called me into the ministry but according to God’s Word I’m also to be the priest of my home. Today we began the New Year with our annual family lunch of Blackeyed peas and mac & cheese and cornbread. During lunch I asked every member of my family including Sparrow what they were believing God for so I could pray specially for them. I’ve made a commitment to pray for those things and join my faith to theirs. I’ve also planned my vacations and identified trips and special family times I need to keep open on my calendar. I also set some other personal health goals. Next ask yourself what are your ministry goals? Seting goals is just the first set, the second step is to make a plan for each of the goals you are aiming at. I also ask myself what appointments do I need to add to my calendar to make each goal a reality. Appointments work better than Todo’s because they have a date and time. Some leaders ignore Todo’s and keep putting them off. Most of the time we keep our appointments. Evaluating and Goal Setting will make a difference in this New Year. The key is to not just do this in January but keep it up all year long. Set a recurring appointment the 1st of each month to evaluate what’s working so far and what’s not, as well as what do you need to do different and what do you need to make sure you keep doing? Also set a recurring appointment on the 15th of each month to ask yourself “How am I coming on my goals? “What do I need to adjust in my plan?” So this year let’s just not start the year off right but let keep it up and make 2016 the year we do what it takes to hit our goals in every single area of our lives.

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August 20 is another one of my favorite days

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Four years, one month and four days after Yancy was born, God blessed us with another wonderful gift from Him… another beautiful baby girl. On August 20, 1984 I heard the same three words from a different doctor that I heard from the last doctor…”It’s a girl” We named her Whitney Michelle. The minute I laid my eyes on her I knew she was special and that God had big plans for this little girl. From the second Whitney came into this world everything was different than how her sister’s birth had been. It was so much more laid back, just like her.  Whitney was such a good baby, Yancy didn’t sleep much, Whitney did. It was amazing how two kids who had the same parents could be so different. Yancy was always a daddy’s girl, Whitney was a mommy’s girl. But somewhere that shifted and she and I became two peas in a pod. It’s been wonderful to watch her grow up. She went from being a tender hearted child to a tender hearted teen. Whitney has always been a giver. She loves her friends and knows how to be a good friend. She is one of the the sweetest and most caring individuals I’ve ever known. I’ve called her my bright spot because of her ability to bring happiness and sunshine to me and our family. As an adult I’ve seen her become a hard worker and a great manager and leader. Whatever Whitney does she does with all of her heart and she truly cares about the outcome. She’s a difference maker and a world changer. So today our family gets to celebrate this wonderful gift for the 31st time. Happy Birthday Woo! Thanks for being the best daughter, sister, aunt & friend this family could have. We’re also excited for this next chapter in your career as you launch your own business. (Be sure and checkout www.wmakeup.com) We’re so proud of you and the blessing you are to this family and also God’s kingdom. 

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