3 Things I Wish I Knew When I Started Kidmin

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I had no ideal in 1977 when I said yes to my Pastor to covering Children’s Church for a Sunday that 43 years later I’d be writing this blog post. I also had no idea what God had in store for me. I’m thankful for all the wonderful doors, like this one that He would open. I am also thankful for the early years I had serving Kids and families at Southside Assembly in Jackson, Mississippi. I’m still in contact with so many of those kids it’s also hard to believe that those first 12 year olds are turning 55 their next birthday. (Thanks Facebook for making me feel old.)

In those early years I wish I had known to grow my leadership as well as my ministry. I understood that it was my job to help make healthy disciples. I understood the importance of training kids now for a lifetime of service in a local church. A huge mistake I made in the early years was focusing on the group of kids that made up my ministry and forgetting that to have a healthy ministry I also needed to work on relating to the three groups of adults that all kidmin leaders also have to work with. Parents, (since not a single child in my ministry has a drivers’ license), adult leaders, and the level of leadership above you. A healthy leader raises their own abilities to communicate and lead all three groups of adults. It was years before I studied leadership and worked on growing my abilities. I remember when I wrote my first book Children’s Ministry Leadership- the you can do it guide back in 2003 Children’s Pastors told me I wish I could have learned this from you twenty-five years ago and I always told them the same thing, I wish I had know this stuff twenty-five years ago too! The truth is I had to choose to add leadership to my arsenal of puppets, costumes, and magic tricks.

 If I wanted to make healthy disciples I couldn’t do this without including parents. I wish I had known then what I know now that “What happens at home is more important than what happens at church. ”The second thing I wish I knew was the importance of partnering with parents. You see every teacher knows a child does better in school with help from their parents. This is also true with spiritual things. Healthy Discipleship is a product of a healthy ministry that can be built by a team led by a healthy leader.

The third thing, I wish I knew was that you have to build a team to not only build a healthy ministry but to have make healthy disciples. Those early years I was a one-man show. I now know kids need other adults in their lives that will tell them the same thing their parents are saying at home, at church. Besides that you need a team to help you follow-up and care for kids. You can’t do it alone. To build a team it calls for duplication as well as delegation.

As you work on your leadership, build a team and partner with parents it helps you relate better and win the respect and trust of the leadership above you. 

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Living Your Best Life

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I love John 10. It’s such a powerful chapter, so many thoughts to take captive and make obedient here. John 10:10 is one of my absolute favorite verses in this chapter because it sums up God’s plan for us! He wants us to experience life, abundant, wonderful life through Him. Here’s 3 ways I’ve found to live your best life!

Number 1: THINK RIGHT.

I’ve found that my biggest battlefield is located between my two ears. If you’ve hung out here on this blog or if you have read any of my books you’ve heard me say “How we think effects what we do!” In other words your actions come from your thinking. If we want to do right, we have to think right. That’s where God’s Word comes in. It always works and adjusts your way of thinking to His way of thinking when you line your thinking up with what God’s Word Says.

Number 2: DON’T COMPARE

One of my Infusers shared this word with me and my other coaches she heard from another coach it was Comparanoia. It’s when you are paranoid because you compare yourself to others. I know a lot of Christian leaders who have fallen victim to this including myself. It’s not just when we compare ourselves to others but even when we compare ourselves to ourselves from past seasons. I’m finding that the season I find myself in now is different from previous seasons of my life. Instead of looking back and wanting to live in the past, I want to be like a river and look ahead to where God is leading me. I want to choose that where I’m headed is God’s new direction for me toward the future He has for me. I’m not going to compare my life to others or to past experiences and desire God’s present plan and purpose for my life.

Number 3: BE THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL

If you can be thank full you can be thank empty, I’ve found that a great way to stay thankful and grateful is to give God glory and credit for everything.  Another verse I love is Psalm 100:3 It says, “Know that the Lord, He is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.”  One of the mistakes older me doesn’t want to make that younger me made was to take credit for things Father God did in my life. We act like good ideas or even fruit that came from obedience was our idea. I had nothing to do with the results, all good stuff comes from Him. When I major on being thankful and grateful and acknowledge Him in all my ways, He makes my paths straight. Every opportunity I have today I am more appreciate of than any opportunity I’ve had  in a previous season. I don’t take serving at a great church for granted. I don’t take opportunities I have to write blogs, articles, books and speak to parents and leaders as ordinary. I cherish each opportunity to help others as gifts from God and special for such a time as this.

Want to live your best life? I do, more than ever! I dare you… read John 10 then walkout these 3 steps this week: THINK RIGHT, DON’T COMPARE, and BE THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL and watch your best life, God’s wonderful, His abundant life come into focus.

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What Are You Pursuing?

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There’s a big difference between choosing and pursuing. Choosing is about the short term while Pursuing is about the long term. Mr Webster says to choose means: “To decide on a course of action, typically after rejecting alternatives.” The problem is we’ve all made choices without rejecting the bad choices or alternatives. My wise Mom always told me “Don’t make the same mistakes twice there are enough different ones you can make every time!” So true, so true!

Making good choices is important but when you think about making intentional choices over the long haul choice turns into concise pursuit of a realized goal. The dictionary says to pursue means: “To seek to attain or accomplish (a goal), especially over a long period.” Most people especially me look and give up  quiet easily when searching for something lost while wives on the other hand have learned the difference between looking and seeking. Seek means you look until your find. The Bible speaks more about seeking than just choosing. Consistent seeking leads to pursuit.

In 1 Timothy 6: 11-12 it says “But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.“

This scripture tells us, “If there is a good fight then that means that there’s also a bad one!” I believe the bad fight that we sometimes fight comes from pursuing the wrong things. So my question for you is this, “What are you pursuing?” Why not make a list and put them in order by importance. Start with the list mentioned in 1 Timothy 6:11 and then add what is important to you especially your walk with God, your family and other important relationships and last of all your ministry. Spend some time listening to Holy Spirit. He will lead you to the truth and the truth will set you free. What are you pursuing could also be asked this way, “What are you aiming for?”One of my favorite tweets from my book TWEETABLE LEADERSHIP, “If you aim at nothing you’ll hit it every time.”

So what are you waiting for? Start pursuing all the things God is leading you to pursue.

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Controlling Crazy

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Life can get wild and ministry can get crazy. When you don’t think things can get any busier, they can and they do. In my life I’ve learned ‘busy’ is a relative term. What one person calls busy is not busy to another. The fact is no matter how you define busy it causes you to be deal with pressure. Pressure can cause you to grow or it can also expose weakness in your abilities. Either way pressure is your friend. People are paid by how much pressure they can handle and deal with. If you want to make more money learn to handle more pressure and how to control crazy.

Jesus is our help and peace in stressful times. He is our help when life gets complicated, but it’s up to us to call on that help. He’s given us His word that he will help us here are  just a few of the scriptures I stand on when life gets crazy for me. Psalm 46:1 says, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.” John 14:27 tells us “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:16 promises “And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever-. That other helper is also referred to as another comforter.  Jesus never leads you into something that will harm you. He is a safe guide His word always works. Jesus is the master of simplifying life. The laws of the Old Testament were many and complex yet Jesus made it very easy to follow them. 

Let’s take a look at Matthew 22:36-40…

36“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” 37Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ ◙ 38This is the first and great commandment. 39And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ ◙ 40On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

Jesus’ answers concerning life are always simple even though they may not always be easy to carry them out. These verses simplified the law but they are a fulltime job to carry out. Paul had a heart for following the Lord example.  You can tell he patterned his life after the example of Jesus by writing in 2Corinthians 1:12   “For our rejoicing is this, the testimony of our conscience, that in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace of God, we have had our conversation in the world, and more abundantly to you-ward. The devil always tries to complicate life just like he complicated God’s simple instructions to Adam and Eve.  He loves to complicate our lives by injecting wrong thoughts into our minds

2Corinthians 11:3 tells us “But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtlety, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.”

We must choose to keep life simple! Sometimes our responsibilities and the pressures of life affects us all in a negative way. We have to choose simplicity. In Luke 10:38-42 we find the story of two sisters. Sisters who made two very different choices in how they reacted to Jesus coming to their home. The scriptures tell us “As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, He came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to Him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what He said.  But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to Him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”  “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” The key to simplifying life for me is to be a student of learning better personal and time management. Have you read my book “Beat The Clock”? This  resource has helped thousands of leaders learn some leadership and time-management basics. With this in mind here are 15 Steps in keeping life simple and controlling the crazy.

1. Set your priorities. This is something you have to get in the habit of doing daily. You can’t keep priorities if you don’t have priorities! Arrange your events, task and duties by priorities!

2. Keep your priorities in order. This is job one! The fact is priorities change. The order of your priorities may be different at different times. One of my favorite scriptures is Proverbs 28:2 “When a country is rebellious, it has many rulers, but a man of understanding and knowledge maintains order. This is you responsibility!

3. Delegate to others those things that they can do for you even if it’s short term. When you’re out of time the only way to get more is to use someone else’s. Make a list of everything you are doing that someone else can do and allow they to do it! Use checklists and job descriptions to get others to do it your way.

4. Use time saving tools. Some of the tools I use are my iPhone, iPad , a timer, iCal, voice mail, email, I even starting to use a program so others can choose an appointment so I don’t have to go back and forth with them and a laptop computer. But these tools can become time wasters if you use them wrong. Know when to talk not type, keep your notifications off when you are working on other things. Add a worker website, post videos and  let blogs replace worker meetings.

5. Do more than one thing at a time. Take advantage of commute times and wait times to study, have meetings, people development, return messages, and make assignments to others by phone. Use meals to put into people. Ride together and set up with the meeting is about. I pay so we’ll talk about what I want to cover on the way back we wrap up and make assignments on what needs to be carried out. Take reading with you wherever you go as well as other work. (Here’s another reason I love my Iphone!)

6. Decide what can be postponed or eliminated. This goes back to your priorities. Keep those activities and events that are urgent or important on top. Don’t just look at the task look at the time it takes to pull it off also. Learn to say no! Learning to say no also means saying yes to right things. To say yes to urgent and important matters means you say no to less urgent or important things. When time is short look to focus on now and don’t look too far ahead. 

7. Get creative with your family time. Take them with you whenever you can and combine family time with business and leisure activities. Call them and let them know you were thinking of them.

8. Schedule a break even if it’s only for a few hours. (Even convicts get time off for good behavior)

Some of my getaway places are playing guitar, going to the music store, Starbucks, the bicycle store and Best Buy.

9. Be open to change in your lifestyle (Different results require different actions)

Don’t despise change. It’s alright to do things differently. Guard your thoughts and your tongue

10. Do your homework and see what others do in hectic times. Check up on busy people – see what they are doing on facebook, or twitter. Network at conferences and also on sites like KidminCoach.com.

11. Stop and listen to Jesus.  Make time for the Word. It your responsibility to stay refreshed spiritually.

Feed your spirit daily you feed you belly daily. If you can’t go to church, listen to the podcast or watch the livestream. But it will truly help you spiritually to go to church.

12. When you are tired and busy, don’t think. Rely on a checklist. Paper is for remembering, your brain is for thinking and dreaming. Have the information you need with you when you go to meetings including, flowcharts and other reports. 

13. Don’t quit or make big decisions during busy and stressful times. Wait to make big decisions when things slow down. Also never make people decisions when time is limited. Slow down and think it through.

14. Develop a plan to make next year better the minute an event or activity is over.  Learn from your experiences and the best time to do this is while it’s fresh on your mind. Start next year’s file now. Speaking of planning ahead go ahead and put next year’s date on the calendar as well as plan as far ahead as possible. Do you have 2017 planned yet? Smart leaders plan as far ahead as possible to keep life balanced. Get feedback from others to help you plan better. A smart person makes time to listen and learn. When it’s over, crash. Get some rest. Always schedule a break between big pushes and events. Watch out for too many irons in the fire.

15. Do more by doing less. Focus on the main thing! Are you doing what only you should be doing, or are you doing things that someone else can do? It’s time to evaluate and ask yourself if you are focusing on the main thing.

To keep life simple and control the crazy, you must evaluate constantly. Measure your progress including your fruit, gains, loses and efficiency. Listen to your spouse on what should you discontinue, change and/or add. Things naturally get complex on their own that’s why you have to be intentional to keep life simple. Get out that calendar and make a plan to make you, your family and your ministry better.

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10 Things I Wish Old Jim Could Teach Young Jim

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A wise old man once told me, “Experience is the best teacher, but it doesn’t have to be your   experiences that you learn from.” Every person I know who is successful has learned from a lifetime of mistakes—theirs as well as the mistakes of others. My mom always told me, “Jim, don’t make the same mistake twice. There’s enough different ones you can make every time.” No truer statement has ever been uttered.

Having done children’s ministry in my 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and now my 60s, I’ve had a chance to make a lot of different mistakes and choices along the way. Would I do things differently if I could go back and do it again? Sure I would. We all would, because hindsight is always 20/20. Forty years ago I could not have taught you leadership. I hadn’t learned it yet. Forty years ago I had very few workers. I had a big vision, but didn’t know how to make a plan and lead others. I was a hard worker but not a smart worker. The good news is God blessed me in spite of myself. The dreams that were in my heart were not coming to pass. I was smart enough to get some help and to do things differently rather than keep doing what was not working and expecting a different outcome. I’m so glad that years ago I decided that I would become a lifetime learner. I am still learning, but to do so, I have to just say “no” to the know-it-all spirit. So with this in mind, let’s look at 10 things I wish Old Jim could teach Young Jim.

  1. Don’t be a one-man show. Build a team. When you train, empower and release others. It makes it possible for you to do what only you should be doing. There really is no success without successors, which is a byproduct of team building. Just like in sports the key to continued success is to build depth at every key position. This doesn’t happen by delegation alone but by duplicating yourself and the vision into those you lead. Duplication comes through coaching and hands-on training. Young Jim did it all himself. Old Jim allows the team to develop their skills through coaching and encouraging, as well as by doing. Everyone does better with a coach!
  1. Watch how you think. Your thinking controls your actions. It moves you forward or holds you back. I was a lot more opinionated when I was younger than I am now. It took me years before I would and could admit that I don’t know what I’m doing. That’s why it’s always smart to evaluate your thinking and choose to think God’s way. I love Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right,whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” I wish I did this all the time, but if you’re not evaluating how you think on a regular basis, bad stuff happens. It will always work to your favor to think like Jesus. Think in steps. That’s how God leads the righteous. Think like a parent and those you are serving. Think like a visitor. Old Jim has a lot more check-ups from the neck up. Take every thought captive to be obedient to Christ Jesus.
  1. Learn from others! Read! Join a local kidmin network. If one doesn’t exist in your area, start one. Find a mentor or a coach. (Have you checked out Infuse or kidmincoach.com?) Study those who are successful. Don’t just study what they do, but learn why they do what they do. I have come to realize effective leadership is a process not a pill. Learn the process and the why behind it. Look for a model that you can tweak to fit your church and ministry. Jim, is it wrong to borrow ideas? I sure hope not or I’d be in trouble. Learn how to copy, but at the same time learn how to make the copy your own. Ask questions, tons of them, to anyone who will let you. Also, never be afraid to try what you’re learning—experiment with it.
  1. Commit to the long haul. Jim, are you telling us when you were younger you thought about quitting? I sure did … every Monday for a while. It took me a while to stop looking at what I was seeing and have a vision of the finish line. Here are some biggies I wish I had known.
  • Don’t talk about leaving every time you experience pushback.
  • Be willing to put your dreams on the back burner to serve someone else’s dreams. Every dream I ever had came true by being willing to help others see their dreams come true.
  • Be secure in your calling. If God called you, and He leads your steps, the things you are experiencing good or bad are not a surprise to Him, so trust Him to lead you.
  • It’s my job to remember leading is all about serving. I’ve found when I amconsumed in better ways to serve kids and families—serve those who help you and serve your pastor—it helps me not be the center of attention.
  • One of the things I’d love to tell young Jim is to be on the lookout for fear. Anytime fear is around you’re about to head backwards instead of forward. Never give into fear. It will always stop you short of the finish line. The two fears that I had to face the most were fear of failure and fear of losing my job. You might face different fears. The key is to face them head on and replace fear with faith.
  • Another enemy of finishing strong is trying to do everything overnight. Too much too quick is always trouble. Do things in phases or steps, and learn to live by priorities. Have realistic expectations for yourself, and don’t stop until you hear God say it’s done.
  1. Don’t take part in power plays! I don’t know why even as adults we sometimes act like kids. Don’t try to get your way all the time. There’s no “I” in team. Old Jim would tell Young Jim that thinking about the well-being of others will always lead you to being the team player you need to be. Look for every opportunity to esteem the team. I’ve never enjoyed being around pouters, so I have to examine myself and don’t pout. I’d also tell Young Jim that there’s no place for threats in the workplace. Don’t threaten to leave, and don’t ever pull out the “God said card” in a meeting. If God said it, that’s a discussion stopper. Know when you need to lose a battle to win a war. Anytime I enter a negotiation I have to know what I’m willing to give up to take new ground. I’ve also found out that sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut and not defend yourself so it will not appear like you’re arguing. Old Jim knows God is your Defender and He gives grace to the humble. When it comes to staying away from power plays, don’t make someone else look bad to get your way. Old Jim knows that blessed is the peacemaker. Anytime you have the opportunity to make peace, go for it!
  1. Take care of your health! Old Jim is being forced to do this today. Exercise, sleep, and good nutrition are essential to you finishing well. Making time for important things is something that will help you at any age. I wish Young Jim knew that making time for exercise has to be a part of your weekly routine, just like meetings and ministry. I know firsthand that everyone makes time for what they really want to make time for. Old Jim would tell Young Jim to make time for the right things. I realize now I’ve been guilty of working on the wrong temple. Neglecting one to work on the other was not real smart. They both deserve our best and both need a plan of action.
  1. The law of the lid determines the quality of leaders I can draw. I didn’t realize in my early years of ministry I was holding myself back for not growing my leadership. Go back to number three and put some action steps in place to improve your leadership level. You will never attract workers sharper than you are.
  1. Put your family second only to your relationship to God. Do things that your family will remember forever. If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t have spent all my vacation time visiting parents and doing ministry. Guard your days off and make them special for your family. Guard your nights. I think it’s important that a family church allows for family time. Listen to your family, and be sensitive to their needs. To do that, you have to listen with your eyes as well as your ears.
  1. Represent your leader well. Jesus said if you’ve seen me you’ve seen the Father. Could this be said of you? Simple things like: dressing appropriately, not being silly, not building loyalties to yourself, and never talking negatively about those in leadership above you. Be your pastor’s biggest fan!
  1. Be a lover of God’s people. The ministry is all about relationships. People matter! I believe the time we spend to empower and encourage people is never wasted. Old Jim knows people are more valuable than programs, meetings, and study. I’m more thankful for the people God has put into my life than the accomplishments I’ve seen.  People are important to God and should be important to us.
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