Manners, Ministry, and Managing Yourself

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You’ve probably heard this old saying: “Your life speaks so loud, people can’t hear what you’re saying.” That’s the truth. If you’re in ministry—whether with kids, students, or adults—you don’t get to live however you want. You and I are called to live above reproach. That’s not my idea—that’s Bible.
Paul told Timothy that an overseer should be the kind of person others respect, someone self-controlled, hospitable, able to teach, not hot-headed, not money-hungry, and definitely not someone who can’t even keep their own house in order (1 Timothy 3:2–7). In other words, the way we carry ourselves is just as important as the words we teach.
So let’s get real practical. How do we live this out? How do we keep ministry leaders from being the punchline of a bad joke? Let me give you some “grandfatherly advice” from my years of leading and watching others lead.

1. Mind Your Manners (Yes, Even in Ministry)
Some people think “manners” are just for fancy dinners where you don’t know which fork to use. Nope. Manners are simply polite, well-bred social behavior. And believe me, the body of Christ needs ministers with good manners.
Ethics are the moral principles that guide our behavior.
Protocol is the code of conduct or the way things are done.

Put those together and you’ve got the basics of being a leader worth following. You don’t have to be stiff, but you do have to be respectable. I always tell young leaders: If you wouldn’t act that way in front of your grandma, don’t do it in ministry.

2. Start With Honor

Respect isn’t old-fashioned. It’s Kingdom.
Honor your pastors and leaders. Don’t roll your eyes when they give direction.
Respect your elders. Age is not a disease, it’s wisdom with wrinkles.
Don’t rebuke leaders in public. That’s never gone well in the history of the church.
Say “please” and “thank you.” You’ll be shocked how far basic kindness will take you.
And when it comes to communication—show respect in every medium: in person, on the phone, in emails, or even online. Don’t let your keyboard give you courage your character doesn’t back up. Never forget the tone of a text can easily be misinterpreted and an unanswered text speaks louder than you think.

3. Communication Counts

Want to win points with your leaders? Communicate well.
Voicemail: Keep it short and clear. Ain’t nobody got time for your three-minute ramble.
Meetings: Come prepared. Don’t show up with “I don’t know.” Bring answers—even if they’re multiple choice. Nobody likes essay questions. If your late apologize if you have to miss, let them know why ahead of time.
Being Out of the Office: Always let folks know where you are, who’s covering for you, and how to reach you if the world catches fire. Don’t make people guess.

4. Ethics & Protocol: The Ministry Basics
Here’s where leaders sometimes trip up. Let’s get super practical:
Treat guest ministers like VIPs.
If you ever have to cancel a guest or event, do it with integrity and plenty of notice.
Be wise in dealing with the opposite sex—boundaries keep you safe.
Dress like you represent Jesus, not like you just rolled out of bed.
Keep your office and spaces clean. Messy desk = messy brain.
Don’t “borrow” without asking—that’s called stealing.
Follow the policies. If your church has them, use them.
Don’t steal sheep, staff, or volunteers from other ministries. Trust me, it always backfires.
Be above board in handling money. Pennies matter. Take a picture of the receipt at time of purchase and go and turn it in.
If you ever leave a church, leave in a way that blesses—not burns—people.
And hey—get your pastor or supervisor what he/she actually wants, not what you think he/she should want. (Big difference there.)

5. When in Doubt, Ask
Here’s the simplest advice I can give you: Ask questions.
Don’t assume. Don’t fake it. Just ask. If you’re new, ask staff who’ve been around. Learn your leaders heart. The answer is often just one good question away.
Never tell you are taking off ask if you may take off.

6. Phone & Computer Etiquette

Can we talk about the elephant in the meeting? Your cell phone.
Don’t sit in a meeting scrolling Instagram. That’s just rude.
If you’re waiting on an urgent call, say so at the start. Then only answer if it’s critical.
Long meeting? Take a break, return your texts, only if it’s your spouse or boss and come back engaged.
Don’t search for something “more interesting” than the person you’re talking to. Spoiler: they’ll notice.
God gave us caller ID and voicemail for a reason—use them.

7. Sow What You Want to Reap
Want to be listened to? Start by listening.
Want to be respected? Respect authority.
Want to be promoted? Come prepared and participate well.

You don’t reap what you wish for—you reap what you sow.

At the end of the day, ministry isn’t just about how well you preach, teach, or organize—it’s about how well you carry yourself. Live above reproach. Mind your manners. Honor leaders. Communicate clearly. Respect boundaries. Ask when you’re unsure.
If you’ll sow those seeds, you’ll reap a harvest of influence, trust, and longevity in ministry.
And who knows—you might even make your grandma proud.

Want more articles like this plus all my books, video trainings, resources, a members only podcast plus Live Monthly Coaching Events? Join the NextGenLeaderLab.com.

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TRYING SOMETHING NEW (AND NOT BREAKING A HIP)

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I did something recently I’ve never done before.
No, I didn’t dye my hair, get a tattoo, or join a boy band (you’re welcome).
I attended an Advanced Beginner Pickleball Clinic.

Yep, this almost 70-year-old signed up to play with folks who had more spring in their step than I had in my knees. And you know what? I was the oldest one there… and I loved it.

Was I nervous? Absolutely. I didn’t want to be that guy—you know, the one holding up the line or mistaking the serve for a prayer request. But I showed up. I stretched (twice). And I listened to the coach. And guess what? I improved way more with a coach than I ever did just trying to figure it out on my own.

Here’s the deal:
Growth lives on the other side of your comfort zone.
And that’s not just true in pickleball—it’s true in ministry too.

There’s always a first time for everything:
• The first time you preach to adults after years with preschoolers.
• The first time you lead a staff meeting instead of just attending one.
• The first time you let someone else run the event
(and it didn’t fall apart!).

But you won’t get better by sitting on the sidelines hoping experience will magically appear.
You need coaching. Correction. Community. COURAGE.

Sometimes we plateau because we stop learning.
We stop asking questions.
We stop trying new things.
We start coasting on yesterday’s win and calling it “wisdom.”

But growth requires risk.
And sometimes the risk is simply saying: “I don’t know how to do this, but I’m willing to learn.”

I’m so glad I said yes to that clinic. I stretched myself—literally and figuratively—and I’m a better player for it.
More importantly, I’m reminded that leaders who never stop learning never stop leading.

So what’s your “clinic”?
What’s the new thing God’s nudging you to try?
Get out there. Sign up. Ask for help. Get a coach.
And don’t let your age, your fear, or your pride keep you from growing.

And hey—if you’re looking for a coach, a community, and a whole crew of NextGen leaders who are committed to growing together, check out the NextGen Leader Lab. It’s coaching, connection, and encouragement at a price any church can afford.

You don’t have to grow alone.
Let’s do this together—on and off the court.

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Want to Grow Your NextGen Ministry? You Don’t Have to Do It Alone.

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Let’s be real—ministry isn’t getting any easier.

Between recruiting volunteers, leading teams, planning events, managing curriculum, and keeping your own family afloat, it’s no wonder so many NextGen and Family Ministry leaders feel stretched thin.

But here’s the good news:
You don’t have to lead alone.

👋 Welcome to NextGenLeaderLab.com
This isn’t just a resource site. It’s an online coaching community created by ministry leaders for ministry leaders—led by yours truly, Jim Wideman, a pastor and coach who’s been in your shoes for nearly five decades.

At NextGen Leader Lab, you’ll find:

✅ Weekly mentoring articles on real-life leadership issues
✅ Live Q&A sessions where you can ask anything
✅ Downloadable tools you can use today
✅ A private community of leaders who get it
✅ Real-time coaching from someone who’s done it (and is still doing it)

⸻

Why the Lab Works

I’ve spent almost 50 years leading in churches big and small, and coaching hundreds of NextGen leaders. What I’ve learned is this: leaders grow better in community.

The Lab is where:
• New leaders get equipped and encouraged
• Veteran leaders stay sharp and refreshed
• And everyone learns how to lead well and last long

This isn’t about theory—it’s about practical ministry help you can use every week.

Who It’s For:
• Children’s Pastors
• NextGen or Family Ministry Pastors
• Youth Pastors stepping into oversight roles
• New leaders who want to build right
• Veteran leaders who want to finish strong

Let’s Build Something That Lasts—Together

There’s no magic wand in ministry. But there is a better way to grow—and it starts with coaching, community, and a commitment to keep learning.

👉 Click here to join the Lab today »

You’ll get instant access to resources, replays, and a tribe of leaders who’ve got your back.

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The Job, The Call, and the Kids We’re Hiring (AKA Millennials & Gen Z)

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Let me start by saying—I love working with younger generations. They keep me on my toes, teach me new words (like “rizz” and “delulu”), and make me Google acronyms just to stay in the conversation. But if you’ve ever led a team made up of Millennials and Gen Z, you’ve probably noticed something: they don’t think like we did when we were starting out in ministry. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing—it just means we’ve got to lead differently to get the values we want to instill in this new multigenerational workspace.

So let’s talk about three big ministry concepts: The Job, The Call, and The Crew You’re Doing It With.

1. The Job: What You’re Paid to Do

Back in the day, “the job” meant whatever needed to be done—no job descriptions, just expectations. You mowed the church lawn on Saturday and preached in Kidmin on Sunday. You got paid in pizza, donated expired food and “eternal rewards.”

But today’s young leaders? They’ve read the job description. They’ve highlighted it. They’ve probably sent you an email with a couple clarifying questions. If I can be honest I have a love/hate relationship with it, It shows they care about clarity and boundaries. Something my generation struggled with and have regrets over. Millennials and Gen Z aren’t lazy—they’re just not gonna say yes to “Empty Cup Syndrome” with a smile and a “bless your heart.” And honestly? Good for them.

How to lead them well:
Be clear. Be consistent. And make sure their job aligns with their strengths. Don’t hire a worship leader and ask them to design the graphics and social media just because they’re young unless you know they love Canva.

2. The Call: What You’re Born to Do

The call is bigger than the job. The call is why you cried at youth camp and surrendered your life to ministry—even though you didn’t fully understand what that meant. It’s that thing deep down in your soul that says, “I was made for this.”

Here’s the challenge: younger generations are passionate about purpose, but they don’t always see ministry as the only place to fulfill it. They might feel just as called to start a nonprofit, launch a podcast, or make Kingdom impact on TikTok. (Yes, even TikTok.)

How to lead them well:
Help them connect the dots between their calling and the local church. Show them how ministry isn’t just on the stage—it’s in the setup, the team huddle, the text you send on a Tuesday. And remind them that calling often looks like faithfulness over time, not viral moments.

3. The Crew: Working With Millennials & Gen Z

Here’s the thing—every generation is weird. (Even ours, Boomer. Especially ours.) We grew up on cassette tapes and Sunday night church. (Some of us on record players and tent crusades) They grew up on YouTube, Spotify, and asking why before they say yes. They’ve never lived without a Drive-Thru Window and a microwave. They are used to instant results. But instead of complaining about the “kids these days,” what if we started learning from them?

Millennials are loyal when they’re led well. Gen Z is creative, quick, and can build a sermon slide deck in less time than it takes us to find the remote. They want mentorship, feedback, and a voice at the table. They just don’t want to do it “because that’s how we’ve always done it.”

How to lead them well:
Be relational. Invest in their growth. Give them room to innovate—and yes, to fail. If you create a culture where questions are welcomed and growth is expected, you’ll build a team that’s more than staff—they’ll become your legacy.

The job may change as well as how it’s done. The generations will keep on coming. But the call to lead and disciple never goes out of style. So let’s keep showing up, keep learning, and keep making room at the table for the next wave of leaders—even if they show up with cold brew and a ring light. Leaders who stay teachable and adaptable don’t just make a difference—they leave a legacy that outlives them!

Because at the end of the day…
The job is what you do.
The call is why you do it.
And the team? They’re who you get to do it with.

Let’s lead them well—and maybe learn a few new dance moves while we’re at it.

If you’d like to learn more from someone old enough to remember flannel boards, yet young enough to send emojis 🎯🚀 join my NextGenLeaderLab.com

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7 Things Old Jim Wishes Young Jim Knew

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Let’s face it: hindsight is 20/20—unless you’re like me and your bifocals fog up during altar calls.

I’ve been in ministry for five decades and counting. That means I’ve had the privilege of doing children’s ministry in my 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s—and now I’m staring down my 70s like, “Wait… didn’t I just graduate from youth group?”

Looking back, I wish I could’ve sat Young Jim down, offered him a Dr Pepper, and shared a few lessons that might’ve saved him some headaches, heartbreaks, and bad hair decisions. So here are seven things I’d love to tell my younger self (and maybe they’ll help you too):

1. Don’t Be the Star of the One-Man Show

Young Jim loved to do it all—stage design, puppet shows, check-in, goldfish cracker distribution… the works. He thought building a team was optional. Spoiler: it’s not.

If you’re the only one carrying the load, you’re not building a ministry—you’re building a meltdown. Ministry isn’t about being the hero. It’s about making heroes out of others. Duplicate yourself. Coach people. Share the mic. And remember: there is no success without successors.

2. Your Thoughts Drive the Train

Back in the day, I had more opinions than Crayola had colors—and about as much wisdom as a soggy fortune cookie.

Eventually, I learned your thoughts direct your steps. If you think small, you’ll stay small. If you think negatively, you’ll act negatively. But if you think like Jesus—Philippians 4:8 style—you’ll live differently. Evaluate your thoughts often, and don’t let your mind run wild. It needs a shepherd too.

3. Ministry Is a Marathon, Not a Sprint

Yes, Young Jim… there were Mondays you wanted to quit. So do most people in ministry. But guess what? Your calling isn’t based on feelings. It’s based on obedience.

Stop looking for instant results and start playing the long game. Trust God with the process. When you serve others’ dreams, you’ll find God fulfilling your own. And for heaven’s sake—don’t give in to fear. It’s always the fast track to burnout.

4. Put Family Second Only to God—Not Third Behind the Church

Young Jim gave up too many nights, weekends, and vacations “for the sake of the ministry.” Older Jim knows better.

Your spouse, your kids, and your grandkids need your presence more than your perfection. Guard your day off like it’s the last scoop of Blue Bell. Date your wife. Laugh with your kids. Turn off the laptop. The church will still be there tomorrow—your kid’s ballgame won’t be.

5. Be Your Pastor’s Biggest Fan

Ministry isn’t the place for lone rangers. Young Jim didn’t always get this, but I’ve learned that representing your leader well is part of representing Jesus well.

That means honoring their vision, echoing their heart, and cheering them on even when they’re not in the room. Loyalty matters. Trust matters. And your pastor doesn’t need another critic—they need a champion.

6. Love People More Than Programs

Old Jim knows the most valuable thing in ministry isn’t your service schedule—it’s the people God’s trusted you with.

Love the parents. Love your volunteers. Love the crusty deacon who still thinks flannelgraph is cutting-edge. People matter. Relationships are the soil discipleship grows in. And yes—sometimes people are messy, but so is grace.

7. Learn the Art of Refreshing

Young Jim pushed through the stress and called it “faithfulness.” Old Jim knows better.

You can’t give what you don’t have. If your tank’s empty, everyone suffers. The Holy Spirit didn’t just come to give you power for ministry—He came to refresh your soul. Pray in the Spirit. Take your Sabbath. Guard your joy. And don’t feel guilty about that nap—it’s biblical.

Would I go back and change anything? Sure. But I’m also thankful for the lessons. Every mistake taught me something. Every season shaped me. And every decade reminded me: ministry is about faithfulness, not flash.

So what about you?
What would future you wish current you knew?

Maybe it’s time to pause, reflect, and course-correct before Old You writes an article about it.

Want more stuff like this plus All my Books, resources, Monthly Live Events, A members Only Podcast & more? Checkout NextGenLeaderLab.com where I’m Still learning, still laughing, and still loving the journey. I hope you’ll join me!

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