Family Ministry Starts At Home

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I love working with kids and families of all the things I could have spent my life doing this is truly an honor. But even greater than this has been the wonderful privilege of being Julie’s husband, Yancy & Whitney’s Dad, and Sparrow and Rhythm’s “G”! Being an Orange thinker you’ve heard me say this before, “What you teach and train your children about God matters!” It’s my responsibility, priority and privilege as a parent to do this. But it’s also my responsibility, priority and privilege to teach them about marriage and family by setting an example and modeling God’s Word. You’ve also heard me say this before in conferences, articles, books and blogs, “What happens at home is more important than what happens at church.” God’s original plan for world evangelism and the mission of the family is laid out in Deuteronomy 6:6-7 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your heart. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. How do we do this? In my book CONNECT WITH YOUR KIDS I give you twelve things you can do as a parent to connect your kids to God. Here’s just a few to get you started.

Family ministry starts at home. Decide you and the inhabitants of your household will serve the Lord. You have heard this verse a thousand times Josh. 24:15   But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.” What does this mean? It’s simple; make Jesus an everyday part of your lives. Live out what you are asking the families at your church to do at their house. We never did devotions as a family instead Julie and I still to this day take advantage of every opportunity to apply God’s Word to the thinking of every member of our family (including each other) not to allow a stronghold to be formed. A stronghold? Yes, I define a stronghold as wrong thinking that does not line up with the truth of God’s Word. As parent be careful what and who you allow in your home. It’s easier to start strict when kids are young and relax as they get older and allow them to make good choices based on the Bible. The bottom line is be an example!

Love your spouse the way you want your children’s spouse to love them. I don’t know why we think we can have a strong family and not have a strong marriage. Great marriages are a work in progress and happen when you make it a priority. You’ve heard me say if you aim at nothing you hit it every time. You need a plan to make your marriage strong. What ever you did to win your spouse’s affection is the same actions you need to choose to keep their affection. Spend as much time together as you can. Also spend quality time have a plan for your time together. Communicate well. Learn to be a listener. Be intentional when it comes to dates, trips and make special times together to be a regular part of your life. Set a night to be date night and make it a priority. Just like we want our children to see we love the Lord first and foremost let your spouse see firsthand that other than Jesus there is no other person on this earth we love other than them including our kids.

Spend lots of time with your kids. My kids are my third priority so when it comes to controlling my schedule and not letting it control me I have to make making time for my kids a lifestyle choice. Julie and I chose from the beginning of us becoming parents that it was both of our desires to be a close family. Even though our kids are grown this is still a priority. Because of the time we invested when our children where young they make time for us now that they are grown. Our children know they are always invited to go on family vacations. Sunday lunch is a special family time for us. Long before my girls ever went on a date they had dates with Dad. I’ve tried to make the time I have with my kids all about them not just including them in things I want to do. I’ve tried to not miss anything that was important to them. If I worked hard to plan the times at church I have with the kids of my church why don’t I look for ways to make off days and evening special for the kids ho live t my house.

Seek to understand how God has made each member of your family differently and allow them to be different. My wife and I are very different and I believe different is a good thing. I’m a spender and Julie is a saver. I am overly generous she can be a little tight. We need each other. Our kids are a different mix of both of us. Even though our girls had the same parents ate the same food and lived in the same house they are as different as night and day. I realized when I first started working in the local church. God makes us all different as part of His plan. We are the body of Christ and just like every part of His body has a different purpose and function so does the members of our family. Different personalities calls for differences in how we parent, how we discipline and how we communicate our love as well as how we communicate information. Celebrate how differences, strength and gifts of each family member and dare to speak in their language in a way they can receive and understand you. Dare to be an encourager. To encourage mean to inspire with courage, spirit, or hope, to spur on; to give help to. Be a helper, an encourage and a cheerleader for every member of your family especially your mate.

Be open and honest at all times and admit your mistakes and demonstrate repentance. Why do we try to hide our mistakes from the people who see them the most? My Mom taught me early in life, “Things are not as bad as I think they are. She also told me I’m not as wonderful as I think I am either, it’s always somewhere in between. Our families know firsthand our struggles and inconsistencies but what makes the difference is when we don’t try to hide them or pretend they are not there but we admit them and let they see we are doing something about it. Your family needs to learn from your example Godly repentance. You see there’s a big difference in “I’m sorry and true repentance.” Repentance calls for different behavior. When your family sees you modeling repentance it’s easier for them to apply this in their own lives.

  Establishing a family ministry starts with your family. Others will follow your example! It’s never too late to make right choices, I am so thankful we serve a God who is the God of a second chance for me and my family and the families I get to minister to at church.

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Living Your Best Life

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I love John 10. It’s such a powerful chapter, so many thoughts to take captive and make obedient here. John 10:10 is one of my absolute favorite verses in this chapter because it sums up God’s plan for us! He wants us to experience life, abundant, wonderful life through Him. Here’s 3 ways I’ve found to live your best life!

Number 1: THINK RIGHT.

I’ve found that my biggest battlefield is located between my two ears. If you’ve hung out here on this blog or if you have read any of my books you’ve heard me say “How we think effects what we do!” In other words your actions come from your thinking. If we want to do right, we have to think right. That’s where God’s Word comes in. It always works and adjusts your way of thinking to His way of thinking when you line your thinking up with what God’s Word Says.

Number 2: DON’T COMPARE

One of my Infusers shared this word with me and my other coaches she heard from another coach it was Comparanoia. It’s when you are paranoid because you compare yourself to others. I know a lot of Christian leaders who have fallen victim to this including myself. It’s not just when we compare ourselves to others but even when we compare ourselves to ourselves from past seasons. I’m finding that the season I find myself in now is different from previous seasons of my life. Instead of looking back and wanting to live in the past, I want to be like a river and look ahead to where God is leading me. I want to choose that where I’m headed is God’s new direction for me toward the future He has for me. I’m not going to compare my life to others or to past experiences and desire God’s present plan and purpose for my life.

Number 3: BE THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL

If you can be thank full you can be thank empty, I’ve found that a great way to stay thankful and grateful is to give God glory and credit for everything.  Another verse I love is Psalm 100:3 It says, “Know that the Lord, He is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.”  One of the mistakes older me doesn’t want to make that younger me made was to take credit for things Father God did in my life. We act like good ideas or even fruit that came from obedience was our idea. I had nothing to do with the results, all good stuff comes from Him. When I major on being thankful and grateful and acknowledge Him in all my ways, He makes my paths straight. Every opportunity I have today I am more appreciate of than any opportunity I’ve had  in a previous season. I don’t take serving at a great church for granted. I don’t take opportunities I have to write blogs, articles, books and speak to parents and leaders as ordinary. I cherish each opportunity to help others as gifts from God and special for such a time as this.

Want to live your best life? I do, more than ever! I dare you… read John 10 then walkout these 3 steps this week: THINK RIGHT, DON’T COMPARE, and BE THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL and watch your best life, God’s wonderful, His abundant life come into focus.

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What Are You Pursuing?

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There’s a big difference between choosing and pursuing. Choosing is about the short term while Pursuing is about the long term. Mr Webster says to choose means: “To decide on a course of action, typically after rejecting alternatives.” The problem is we’ve all made choices without rejecting the bad choices or alternatives. My wise Mom always told me “Don’t make the same mistakes twice there are enough different ones you can make every time!” So true, so true!

Making good choices is important but when you think about making intentional choices over the long haul choice turns into concise pursuit of a realized goal. The dictionary says to pursue means: “To seek to attain or accomplish (a goal), especially over a long period.” Most people especially me look and give up  quiet easily when searching for something lost while wives on the other hand have learned the difference between looking and seeking. Seek means you look until your find. The Bible speaks more about seeking than just choosing. Consistent seeking leads to pursuit.

In 1 Timothy 6: 11-12 it says “But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.“

This scripture tells us, “If there is a good fight then that means that there’s also a bad one!” I believe the bad fight that we sometimes fight comes from pursuing the wrong things. So my question for you is this, “What are you pursuing?” Why not make a list and put them in order by importance. Start with the list mentioned in 1 Timothy 6:11 and then add what is important to you especially your walk with God, your family and other important relationships and last of all your ministry. Spend some time listening to Holy Spirit. He will lead you to the truth and the truth will set you free. What are you pursuing could also be asked this way, “What are you aiming for?”One of my favorite tweets from my book TWEETABLE LEADERSHIP, “If you aim at nothing you’ll hit it every time.”

So what are you waiting for? Start pursuing all the things God is leading you to pursue.

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We Said No To Ho, Ho, Ho

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Back in November of 1978, Julie and I began our lives together. It was a wonderful day, all the the kids in our children’s church were so excited about attending our wedding. I’ll never forget one little fellow name Zack asked us if he could go on our “Moon ride” with us. I told him he couldn’t and one day he would have his own “Moon ride.” (He thought when his parents said we were going on a honeymoon they said we were going on a moon ride) I had no idea all of the work involved in the two becoming one. You see although Julie and I both loved Jesus, our families, rock and roll and each other we soon found out we has come from two completely different parenting styles. As we began to talk about all of our differences the big desire of our hearts was to train our children based on God’s Word more than our own family and cultural traditions.

A few years ago I wrote an article here on my blog and in Kidzmatter! on “Developing A Biblical Word View in your Family” In that article I wrote:

“Just like the church needs a Biblical vision for reaching children so does the family. Have you ever asked God for what He wants for your family? I realized that God designed the family to put His word into future generations. If you aim at nothing you’ll hit it every time. So if God gives us the desires of your heart what is your desire and goals for your children? For me I wanted our family to be close. I wanted them to love the Lord with all their heart and love the word. In fact I wanted them to love the Bible so much that it was what they based every choice in their life on. “

Julie and I believed the Bible was and still is the benchmark of how we should view the world and how we live. The Bible tells us we are in the world but we are not of the world. The Bible also tells us to come out of the world and be separate yet we are told to be salt and light to the world. Over the years I have studied families and the different way they parent. I’ve also studied churches and the different way they do church. To me the families and churches who have the greatest success are the ones who have teamed together to join their forces to develop in individuals a biblical view of how to live 24/7.  I have had the wonderful honor of raising two wonderful daughters. They are both successful not only in business but also in their spiritual walk.  My girls are as different as night and day, if I had not been in the delivery room with both of them I would not believe they were kin. I have had to discipline them differently, I have to communicate and instruct them differently. But when it comes down to making choices and how to live it was the same for them as it was for their mother and I and that was “What does the Bible say?”

There are lots of voices that speak into our lives that challenge a biblical world view. As a parent and as a pastor I cannot block out every voice that speaks to my family and to my congregation nor should I but I have spent my life pointing out that God’s word contains truth and the truth of the Word is what will set us free. God’s word is the filter we should view the world through! Years ago I learned that all a stronghold is, is believing wrong information. When we take captive every thought and make it obedient to the word of God it produces right thinking that creates right actions. Our actions come from our thinking, that’s why we have to be intentional about the voices we listen to and the actions we do, regardless of our age. When my children were small we limited the voices and the “traditions we planted in our children.” Just because a movie or TV show was animated or geared for children didn’t mean we allowed our children to feed on it.”

This led us to the big question what were we going to do about mythical traditions?

Julie and I both grew up in Christian households. Both of our families attended church on a regular basis. Our parents also told us both about the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. We also both grew up watching all the disney “fairytale” movies and reading traditional children’s books. When Julie and I found out that our parents were really “Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the tooth fairy” it affected us differently. Julie just kind of went along as long as her parents wanted to play the game. I felt betrayed. It also made me question was Jesus real too or did they make Him up too?

One thing Julie and I knew was we wanted to do whatever we could to help our kids know the difference between fiction and truth.

We decided to do something that might not have been popular but we felt it was what was right for us as a family. We chose to not tell them there was a tooth fairy, Daddy bought their teeth. Oh we still to this day give our kids Easter Baskets but they don’t come from Peter Cottontail hopping down the bunny trail they come from Mom and Dad.

But the most controversial decision we ever made was to say say no to Ho Ho Ho!

We never told our girls their Christmas presents came from the north pole or that they where made by elves. We told them the stories as stories not as truth. The truth was their presents came from Mom and Dad with love bought with money Father God provided to us because He loves His kids and wants us to love ours. We told our children that Father God started the whole gift giving tradition by giving the first Christmas present His one and only son. I don’t think our girls could have been more excited about Christmas than they were growing up. They went to bed wondering what Mom and Dad were going to give them in the same way other kids were excited about presents from Santa. The funny thing that would happen was when adults would ask Yancy what Santa was going to bring her she would answer nothing. Those adults would look at use like we were the worst parents in the world. I’ll be honest with you at first I was guilty of being somewhat of a Santa basher. Some of you might have heard a song I wrote for an early Puppet Trax tape that said “Santa Claus never died for anybody’s sin and the Easter Bunny never rose again.” I remember walking through the mall around Christmas time and saw a mall Santa. I remember saying something about there he is, the God of this world and I remember Yancy as a very little girl saying Dad it’s just a man in a suit like your gorilla suits. After that I just took a chill pill I had done what we wanted to do, we had taught our girls the difference between truth and fantasy.

My kids, as they got older loved Disney. They were big Snow White fans, Big Little Mermaid fans. They loved puppets, all my full bodied costumes and even clowns. They even have had their picture made with Santa. But more than anything my girls love Jesus. They love their parents and are very close to us. Although we are not perfect parents we have never told them a half truth, a white lie or fantasy story as a true story.

Because of this my children believed me about Jesus   When I told them about the hurt and pain from living contrary to God’s word they believed me, didn’t need to experience the pain themselves they learned from my mistakes and believed me, because I’ve always told them the truth. I learned when I first started working with kids  in church to always keep your promises to them. I never made a promise in children’s church that I couldn’t keep, if I did that at church I needed to do that at home.

I have no regrets for telling my kids the truth. They still look forward to Christmas and seeing what they are going to get from Mom and Dad but greater than that they know the reason for the season that God’s son became a man and dwelt among us!

Now my oldest has two sons of her own. She and her husband made a choice for their kids to follow this example and tell their kids the truth about Christmas. My big grandson loves Christmas as much as his mom and I’m sure his little brother will be just as excited once he get’s older. But I want for them what I wanted for their mom and aunt Woo, that their G and GiGi will always speak the truth of God’s word to our family in love, no matter if it’s not popular.

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Questions To Ask And Things Todo To Have A Happy New Year

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I can’t believe 2016 is here! I am so excited to begin my 41st year of ministry.  I love New Years because folks naturally do 2 things that I’ve been telling #Kidmin leaders they need to do on a regular basis.  One-they need to evaluate. You can’t evaluate without asking some key questions like, “What worked in 2014?” “Do you know why they worked?” Once you find the answers make sure you continue you do this in the New Year. Now ask yourself, “What didn’t work and why?” My favorite question to ask myself is “What am I going to do different to produce a different result?” Same action always brings same results. The reason you have to determine what didn’t work is so that you don’t take bad habits into the New Year. The second thing you need to do is to set goals. A goal is simply a target or mark that you are aiming at. Where do you need to improve? I just don’t look at my ministry I start with me. What do I need to do differently in my spiritual life. I like to ask myself “Has there ever been a time in my life that I’m more in love with Jesus than I am right now? If the answer is yes, I’m the only person that can fix that. What do I need to change for my family? Yes God has called me into the ministry but according to God’s Word I’m also to be the priest of my home. Today we began the New Year with our annual family lunch of Blackeyed peas and mac & cheese and cornbread. During lunch I asked every member of my family including Sparrow what they were believing God for so I could pray specially for them. I’ve made a commitment to pray for those things and join my faith to theirs. I’ve also planned my vacations and identified trips and special family times I need to keep open on my calendar. I also set some other personal health goals. Next ask yourself what are your ministry goals? Seting goals is just the first set, the second step is to make a plan for each of the goals you are aiming at. I also ask myself what appointments do I need to add to my calendar to make each goal a reality. Appointments work better than Todo’s because they have a date and time. Some leaders ignore Todo’s and keep putting them off. Most of the time we keep our appointments. Evaluating and Goal Setting will make a difference in this New Year. The key is to not just do this in January but keep it up all year long. Set a recurring appointment the 1st of each month to evaluate what’s working so far and what’s not, as well as what do you need to do different and what do you need to make sure you keep doing? Also set a recurring appointment on the 15th of each month to ask yourself “How am I coming on my goals? “What do I need to adjust in my plan?” So this year let’s just not start the year off right but let keep it up and make 2016 the year we do what it takes to hit our goals in every single area of our lives.

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